DATING ADVICE: The Allure of the Unavailable Man

You’ve heard this story a bunch of times, right? Of perhaps lived it yourself? The irresistible man who sends mixed signals; one minute he’s crazy about you – calling and showering you with all kinds of attention. Then, when you find yourself succumbing to his charms, and let yourself believe he’s completely into you, he doesn’t call you for a few days/weeks. And you just can’t seem to pull away…he’s got a magnetic pull that is so strong!

How can you break this pattern?

WE KNOW MORE THAN WE THINK WE DO

It is my observation (and belief) that we know things about people the instant we lay eyes on them, even though many of those aspects of their personality don’t “appear” in the beginning. When those qualities finally “emerge” out of left field, we feel betrayed, confused, or heartbroken.

I see women as powerful, intuitive beings. One of the key ways to observe this power is in the fact that most women repeat the same story with men (or as one saying goes: “same guy, different haircut”). It is NOT an accident, or a coincidence. It is your uncanny attraction system at work.

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION

Simply put, the Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like”. So, if you have been attracting the same type of man, the best thing to do (as painful or frightening as this may seem) is to ask yourself what you could learn about yourself by understanding what you’re attracting in men. Remember that the truth shall set you free; it’s going on, whether or not you want it to be true. You may as well receive the gift of the feedback you’re getting about yourself, because if it’s true, it’s impacting your life everywhere.

Of course, you probably also want to stop putting yourself in the situation of being with a man that is unavailable. Do whatever you must so that you can stop spending time with/around him. It is hard to sail into your brilliant future, while tethered to the mooring of your patterns of attraction.

LEARNING THE HARD WAY

My profound learning about this came years ago, when I was married for the first time. As I was going from marriage counseling to divorce counseling, I was trying to figure out HIS issues, and how it was that HE was so unavailable that it made the marriage impossible. As I slowly unearthed the truth about my own lack of availability to intimacy, it became clear how inevitable it was that I ended up with a man like him.

THE ROAD TO CONNECTION

I’m happy to report that it IS possible to change the pattern, so you can have an intimate, loving, committed relationship. Hey, if I could do it, anyone can!

There are five steps that will get you there:

1. Acknowledge the truth about your own lack of availability – you cannot get where you want to go, if you are not clear about where you are to start with!
2. Get into some type of supportive environment where you can take risks with being intimate and vulnerable...you may be “faking it ‘til you make it” at first, but you will get there.
3. Have a clear vision about the kind of relationship you really want – it is a wonderful way to keep yourself on track, and moving towards your dream.
4. Be gentle with yourself through your growth process – it can be daunting to learn to consistently BE what you are seeking.
5. Celebrate ALL your successes...big, small, and anything in between!

IN CONCLUSION

You will attract who you are. Paying attention to the types of men you attract is a very powerful way to learn about yourself – and it requires honesty and strength to do so. With the right support, and with the right vision, you can get there. Just remember, if you have been that consistent in attracting the same type of man, imagine what is possible when you focus that power towards what you intentionally want!