Do you struggle with speaking the truth in love in your relationships? If you answered yes, this biblical truth and tip will help you. Speaking when you feel panicky, anxious, or emotionally reactive and thinking you have to make IT (your reason for speaking) happen NOW will sabotage your chances of a mutually desirable outcome. Wait to deal with the issue, if possible, at a time when you feel more in control of yourself and in a calmer place so you can keep your cool.
Difficult relationships have strong feelings that are stuffed. Issues aren't dealt with and then all of a sudden, it feels like they have to be dealt with immediately and the tendency is to force a confrontation. This typically guarantees that the conversation is unsuccessful and will not only be unresolved but will also result in additional resentments and problems. James 1:19 says, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (NIV). We need to be intentional in our communication by presenting it when we are in control of our emotions.
When you feel panicky, angry, and intense, you are likely to be pushy, intense, emotional, reactive, and/or controlling. The other person will sense your mood and be more defensive.
It is also wise to pay attention to the other person's mood, because it will increase the chance that you will be heard. You can still speak your truth when it will upset the other person, because the person is responsible for his/her own response. You have control of the WHEN and the HOW. Speak your truth when the other person is most receptive and you can exercise self-control. Keeping your cool will help keep things from getting hot.
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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.