When overcoming Christian codependency, how do you know when you should put your needs or the other person's needs first? By applying these four truths:
1. You have to stay emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally healthy.
Ephesians 5:29 "After all, no one ever hates his own body, but he feeds and cares for it" (NIV).
None of us can ignore our needs indefinitely and still have the resources to reach out to others. Just as our bodies require food and rest, our emotional, spiritual, and mental needs need to be attended to. Jesus took time to rest and recuperate when He was on earth.
2. You have to take care of your family's needs first.
First Timothy 5:8 "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (NIV).
When evaluating our priorities, we need to prioritize the needs of our immediate family first. This doesn't mean we will never put others before our family, but it can't be at the expense of our families.
3. You have to pay attention to why you are putting the other person first.
Second Corinthians 9:7 "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver" (NIV).
We frequently put the other person before ourselves out of people pleasing, guilt, and obligation, and as a result, we end up resentful. The best reason to put others before ourselves is because we choose to.
4. You have to compare the importance of both needs.
Matthew 22:39 "Love your neighbor as yourself" (NIV).
There will always be conflicting needs, both of which need to be considered. There are obvious times when we have to sacrificially give due to the extreme need of the other person, but there are also times that it is essential to place a higher importance on our own needs.
Relationship Prayer: God, help me to consider my needs and the other person's needs and make the right choice for the right reason.
Relationship Challenge: Use these principles to help you make wise decisions about how to take care of yourself and still make room for the needs of others, but not neglect yourself or your family.
To overcome Christian codependency, apply these four truths to determine when you should put your needs or the other person's needs first. You don't have to neglect yourself to care about others.
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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.