Submission is the "S" word in church. In this modern day of equality, women's rights, and women working, many pastors avoid it or quickly skip over it, focusing on the man having to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
There is still confusion about how women in difficult marriages should submit. Some say she should obey her husband without reservation or exception and take her complaints to God and trust God to lead him. This type of submission is destructive and dangerous. Here are some important points to consider when applying submission in a difficult marriage:
1. Submission in marriage is not a rigid edict that prevents a woman from living her own life.
Submission is part of the structure of a partnership. It by no means prevents a woman from pursuing her God-given gifts, talents, and personhood which she has stewardship over and is accountable for.
2. Submission in marriage is part of a balanced partnership that includes the wants and needs of both husband and wife.
Healthy marriages where there is respect and love don't really need to worry about whether the wife is submitting or not. The couple works out decision making by taking both people's needs and wants into consideration.
3. Submission in marriage is a choice, not a requirement.
Some interpret submission in marriage rigidly to say it is without exceptions. However, since submission is a willful decision, it can and should be given or withheld depending on the circumstances. There are many other scriptural principles that support having boundaries that say no to things that are wrong.
4. Submission in marriage is not a trump card.
In dysfunctional marriages, husbands will use submission as a means to control their wives, refuse to deal with their concerns, and shut them up by demanding submission. That isn't what submission is meant to be. The man who loves his wife doesn't use submission to control her, demean her, ignore her, or shut her up. A woman does not value her marriage or herself by submitting to that treatment.
Another marriage help for Christians: Submission in marriage must be applied with wisdom.
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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.