Discovery of Authentic Self

How do you know if you are on the right path, what if it seems right but you can’t be sure?
Unlocking many past lives and their strong emotional attachments has opened the door to understanding my authentic self and how I came to be. Forgiving, heart and soul is the key, clues of synchronicity are the signposts directing the way. Appreciating the pearls of wisdom taught through both positive and negative acts, then realizing the importance they have on our present growth, restores your sense of self.
I had such a difficult time rising above the acts of abuse committed upon me by my Celtic family, I didn’t seem able to forgive them heart and soul. I spent many years healing my emotional pain through physiological means, so I forgave my family mentally. This forgiveness wasn’t even close to being complete; there were too many unanswered questions, so I kept my family at emotional arms length. I discovered additional growth through energy healing, past life regression and regaining soul fragments. These revealed to me that I needed to forgive with my heart not just with my mind. This made a lot of sense, so I forgave my family with my heart. I felt that this was it; this particular healing was now complete. Unfortunately I could still be baited into re-acting in a negative way when the topic of my particular abuses was brought to the surface. I wondered how does one authentically forgive and release the pain of a past event. How does one avoid retaining a sliver of pain and hurt trapped inside, resurfacing when you least expect it. I knew deep down that if I was going to be capable of moving forward I had to explore my Celtic side, forgiving my Celtic family was the only way I was going to be able to accomplish this.
One day as I meditated about the family members responsible for my emotional pain, I visualized them on the other side of the veil, the time before we all were brought upon this earth. I pictured them and myself, making our plans for this life walk, our plans of who was going to experience which events and lessons. I visualized myself asking them to aid me in these lessons I wished to experience in this lifetime, to aid me in the abuse I wished to understand. I remembered back to that time and the love we shared in our planning. I remembered members of my soul family stepping forward to volunteer with love in their heart. In that moment I had a sudden rush of realization, a tingling in my heart and solar plexus (soul). It was then I understood complete and total forgiveness, forgiving “Heart & Soul”. I could feel the completeness of love moving in both directions, from me and toward me. I was now open to the exploration of my roots, my heritage and any past lives and/or cellular memory connected to that heritage.
I was guided to find my Bodhran, Celtic drum at a little out of the way country store, I had been searching for a drum which spoke to me. I had been banging on drums for a year and a half; drums of every culture, none of which said take me home with you. When I finally forgave the Celtic side of my family, it was the Celtic drum that drew me in. I felt the pang of disconnection from family, it was a disconnection that had been haunting me all of my life. I also experienced the sense of adventure as I allowed myself to journey to past lives, which had been locked up in pain. When I got my new drum home I attached my essence to it by sitting with it, caressing it, loving it and allowing it to talk to me. I could see and sense the maker of the drum from Dublin Ireland; he had red curly hair and projected much passion. I also got a glimpse of my involvement with the Celtic drum; I was a drummer in a past life. I was a woman dressed in a leather tunic, riding into battle banging on my drum. I could see myself on horseback at a thundering gallop with the drum strapped to my side. I then held my drum high as I thundered on it. I was raising the vibration of the army preparing them for the fight ahead as they marched into battle.
As I banged on my drum it felt very familiar, but I didn’t know how to even approach the Bodhran. I watched a short video on how to hold the drum, how to hold the tippen (drum stick) and how to strike the drum repeatedly and quickly. As I clumsily banged away a new spirit guide approach me, a tall burly red headed Viking named Org. He introduced himself as my father from that Celtic lifetime telling me that he was the one responsible for teaching me how to drum. He said that he was here to help me learn to remember to play the drum and within a couple of days I was rapidly striking the drum creating visions and journeys. I had found the instrument, which would aid me in meditation and journeying, an instrument that could keep me grounded to Mother Earth. The drum’s vibrations would raise my vibrations to that of the earths and to other worlds and dimensions. I had finally found an understanding of who I was and what I could accomplish. I was now open to all new possibilities of growth with no holdbacks. I had discovered forgiveness of heart and soul; I had discovered how freeing that could feel. I no longer had the illusion of who I thought I was in this life, a survivor of abuse. I now have the understanding that I am in control of my life’s manifestations, my joy and my love. I realized just how many of the gifts I had asked the Universe for, had come to fruition. I hadn’t consciously taken notice of the synchronicity of events in my life or their importance.
I came to realize that all the signs, omens and messages I had been receiving all of my life were all signaling me, telling me when I was on the right path of my soul. Every time I wanted to guide, teach and help others to heal, events would work out for me effortlessly. When I tried to manifest events that were purely self indulgent, things would never work out for me.
I needed confirmation from Spirit that was walking my true path; my being was where it was supposed to be, I was doing what it was supposed to be doing. I started to take note of all the synchronized signs as they came up and marveled at the thrill of WOW at these confirmations. Spirit was always guiding and leading me with signs and messages but I had been oblivious to them for the most part.
A few examples of true-path signs for me started with a whispering in my ear of a name from a past life. I had a hard time hearing the complete message but was able to make out the sound or name “Zhii” I knew it wasn’t my complete name but I would go with it for the time being. Over a year later I performed a healing treatment and played my new Celtic drum for a Native doctor from the far reaches of northern Ontario. After spending many hours with me, she gave me my spirit name of Thunderhorse Woman. I laughed as I told her about the past life regression I experienced thundering into battle on horseback thundering on my drum. It felt right, the name suited me well, but I didn’t yet know just how well. She instructed me to have the name translated into Anishnaabee, which as it turned out to be Nimiki Bazhgozhii Kwe. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I seen the group of letters in my name being “Zhii”. It was one big step toward confirmation that I was on the right path; I had the name right, just not all of the name. I began researching the word zhii and found many definitions from around the world, these definitions related to work I was trying to put forth. Raising the vibrations of others, bringing people together for an important task of unity, healing and dispelling fear.
Being an artist I decided to paint a horse on my drum face, I surmised what type of horse to paint, what colour, how many and what style. As I sat drumming one morning thinking about painting my drum, Spirit spoke and told me to look at the visions in my drum face. I turned the drum round and round looking at the drum face with its two toned, beige with grey undefined ghost-like patches. I turned it and turned it until I finally seen an image of a galloping horse running onto the drum, with two more horses eventually showing themselves. I chuckled at my unbelievable luck. I decided to research leads to my Celtic connections concerning the drum and horses, I found the Celtic Goddess Epona, protector of horses and she was paired up with Taranis, the God of Thunder. I thought back to other possible connections when I remembered my father’s Ukrainian name of Chornomaz, its translation of blacksmith and of our Cossack ancestors, master horsemen. I remembered growing up inspired by my Celtic mother to ride, love and appreciate horses. I found out that my black dog’s name Tara is a name derived from Taranis, God of Thunder my dog also sports a bolt of lightening on her chest. The list goes on and on, these were only a few signs and messages that I have been on my path all of my life.
I learned that when I gave up the steering wheel over to Spirit and stopped trying to control the outcome of my future, I understood that I have always been on my path. I became conscious that my path is and has always been to learn and to teach. To teach what I had gleaned from all of my experiences, feeling only contentment and love for those opportunities. This is the true path of mankind, to learn the lessons we have assigned ourselves and to teach the lessons we have learned, which contributes to our evolution. We are entitled to live within love and happiness. Everything else, the physical manifested lessons of pain and disappointment, as well as of joy and forgiveness are the lessons, they are the “Path of My Soul”, I had discovered my true authentic self.