"No" Is A Complete Sentence-learning to put yourself first

The phone rang again, and again she needed a ride. This was the third time in less than a week and that “little voice within,” flashed “CAUTION”. I took a deep breath and gave an excuse as to why I couldn’t be of help this time. But as I hung up, I was consumed by guilt. “She doesn’t have a car”, Guilt yelled. One day you may need a ride too.”

“Don’t listen to Guilt,” Little Voice Within said. “You can see a pattern of behaviour developing here. She doesn’t always need to call you. There is the bus or she can take a taxi. You have got to stop trying to please people, at your own expense.”

I thought about what Little Voice Within had told me. It was right. I could see a pattern forming; one that I was allowing. And I recalled the times we had gone shopping for, “Just bread and milk”, and it had turned into a major grocery shopping trip, taking up time that I needed to spend elsewhere. One stop invariably turned into two or more.

But really, whose fault was that? After pushing Guilt aside, I took a deep breath and admitted that I was responsible for the situation. I hadn’t drawn boundaries because I had been conditioned to put others needs before my own. Also, as a child, I believed that I had to always be nice and agreeable or I wouldn’t have friends. Now as an adult I consciously knew better, but subconsciously I feared conflict and the possibility of being disliked if I didn’t put others desires first.

There are three things that I have come to realize:

1/ Listen to your intuition (The Little Voice Within)

2/ If you reach out a hand with a sense of joy, do it. But if you are helping someone begrudgingly, don’t bother. There will be no joy in it for you or for the one you are helping. They will pick up on your vibes, even if they don’t consciously know why you seem “out of sorts”.

3/ You are responsible for reducing and controlling your own stress. Your “gauges” are within. You are the one who can read them. You alone are in control.

4/ "NO" is a complete sentence! There is no need to justify your answer, although when you begin to say no, AGAIN, you will feel that there is. I say AGAIN, because NO is one of the first words used by human babies. They learn early to say NO to what they don’t like or don’t want to do. This is something that many of us have to relearn.

This quote says it all:

Maya Angelou-- "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw some things back. Saying NO is one of the best ways that a woman can take care of herself. While you may feel that saying no is selfish, it really is about taking extraordinary care of yourself. If you are not taking care of yourself, then you just don't have it to give to others. You can't water a garden with an empty bucket!”

There is real power in saying NO! Be good to yourself. Learn to say it again.

Many blessings!