Did you know that the average person thinks 60,000 - 80,000 thoughts per day? Did you know that over 80% of these thoughts are negative and over 85% of the thoughts you think today are the same thoughts you thought yesterday, last week and last year? How do you think these negative thoughts impact your life? Negative self-talk affects your self-esteem, self-confidence, and beliefs about success and relationships. Yet most of us aren't even aware that we are thinking these thoughts.
I heartily congratulate you on your decisions to exercise more, dance more, eat better, and meditate more. All these activities are wonderful and are positive activities that do enhance your life creating more feelings of joy, accomplishment, peace and happiness. They are all important and valuable. However, what are you saying to yourself the other 80% of the time? Once the exercise, walk, or healthy meal is over, what thoughts are you thinking?
The thoughts you think create your reality according to many alternative therapists. While they mostly take place on an subconscious level, you can easily tune in to how you feel. We will all agree that we deserve to be happy and feel respected, however, how many people who voice these beliefs are in dysfunctional relationships or are manipulated by friends and families, or are not as successful as they feel they deserve. Your world is your feedback to how you really feel about yourself. If you are with people who are not kind to you, are hurtful or deceitful whether they are in your personal, business or friendship relationships, they are your mirrors to how you feel about yourself, on a deeper subconscious level.
Many of our belief systems, positive as well as negative come from our childhood. We receive these messages, both verbal and non verbal from our primary caregivers. Our belief in our deserving of prosperity, loving relationships, or achieving financial and psychological accomplishments may be sabotaged by our own subconscous negative beliefs. On the one hand we say we deserve, but on the other hand we put up with feeling bad about ourselves, feeling discouraged and disappointed in our lives. What kind of mixed messages are we giving ourselves?
The reality is we do have a lot of negative thoughts. We live in an anxiety-producing world. Just watch tv, listen to the radio, or look at your emails and they are mostly about crisis, famine, illnesses, poor economy, relationship breakdowns, infidelities and fear inciting information. It is not a surprise that we think so many negative thoughts when we are innundated with so much negativity in our lives.
These negative thoughts, whether they are fear, sadness, anxiety, worry, anger or resentment, whatever you call them and however you want to justify them, are all negative self-talk. As you know, whatever you focus on increases, so if you are more focused on the negatives you will find more reason to justify your negative thoughts and so the cycle continues. It doesn't have to be this way, we can learn to turn things around and create a positive cycle of focusing on the positives in our lives. It is possible, it just isn't easy.
Rhonda Rabow, M.A.
Author's Bio Rhonda Rabow is an author and a psychotherapist living in Montreal, Quebec Canada. She has over 25 years experience counseling individuals, couples and families facing a variety of life challenges; from parenting, grief, depression, and self-esteem issues, to conflict resolution and marriage counseling. Her approach is empowerment and she accomplishes this by helping her clients find solutions to their problems and teaching them the skills and tools they need to feel back in control of their lives. She has also recently published an e-book called, "Discover the 3 secrets to living happily ever after".