Are You Living Life by Default?

I am the D.I.V.A. of Life Design ~ Empowering Women to Live Life by Design not by Default
Daring, Inspiring, Vivacious, Accepting

What is a DIVA of Life Design? Simply put it means I consciously design my life from the inside out using practical spirituality. My intention is to show up in life ready to be daring, willing to take chances, committed to inspiring humanity, proudly embracing my vivacious, sassy side and, accepting what IS!

I spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure things out. I felt like I was out of control and had “messed up” my life by choices I felt forced to make. I now know that the only force that was being put on me was by me. I was the quintessential victim. My famous sayings: It’s too hard, I hate my job, why can’t I be happy in this marriage, I’m tired of being broke. I’m too fat, I’m ugly. I wore the title of Drama Queen. The 80’s and half of the 90’s were long decades!

I now know I was living my life by default. I was living on conditioned beliefs and values that were handed down by family, and society. I was giving my power of creating my life away and only I could change that.

Waking up and making a conscious choice to live life by design and not by default did not happen overnight. I paid the proverbial dues. I hit rock bottom more than a few times. To solve the “I’m too fat” saga I joined a program and lost 60 lbs. OH NO, now I had eliminated something to whine about. Keeping true to form I took my new body and decided to solve the pain of the empty marriage I’d have an affair. It was a nightmare of an affair, but it served its purpose to call more drama into my life. Now I could lie awake at night and add the intense guilt of an affair to my repertoire of “poor me”.

In my search for drama I spent/charged my way into the poor house. I had a great job making good money. My husband also had a great income but every time something hurt I spent. More often than not I used plastic and quickly escalated my debt into six figures. My excuse was I deserve this new car, couch, dress, purse, etc because I had a hard life growing up.

Nothing seemed to soothe the inside voices. No matter how much I bought I kept hearing the conditioning I grew up with; “you’re not good enough”… “women don’t go to college they marry men who go to college”…“you aren’t smart enough to ____”. This conditioned self talk took on a life of its own. It began to rule my life and decisions got harder to make and relationships were severed and I was becoming more lost, lonely and scared. I couldn’t get out of the way of the conditioned beliefs.

I truly believe parents (self included) do the very best they can with where they are at. I inherited the beliefs of a fearful, controlling, aloof father and an absent, (literally and figuratively) mentally ill and paranoid mother. Classic story of abandonment and cruelty, and I continued it into my 30’s. Let me be clear, that was MY DECISION to hold on.

I will be 49 in October and I am proud to say I have been drama free for 10 years. That’s not to say the birds sing on the window sill or money grows on trees, but it does mean I DESIGN MY LIFE AND I CREATE WHAT I DESIRE! I take full RESPONSIBILITY for what shows up in my life. I no longer define situations as good or bad I choose to see it all as learning and release any judgment.

I have two amazing sons who are professionals that contribute to the betterment of humanity. I enjoy a very amicable friendship with my ex husband. I have learned to unconditionally love my parents. I remarried a man who inspires me every day to want to be a better person. I am living a life of inner calmness. I live life on MY terms and by MY DESIGN

Four years ago I left a job that was draining my soul, and started my own coaching business. I get paid to teach women how to live their lives by design and not by default. I am living my dream Life? Are you?

What’s my secret? It’s two-fold …awareness and acceptance. Becoming aware and looking honestly with accepting eyes at who you are and who you desire to be is the key to living life by design.

How to tell if you are living by default:
• You rely on other people’s opinions to make decisions
• You blame people for your life
• The same problems keep showing up in your life and you keep relying on think and do methods to solve them.
• You live in the past focusing on what hasn’t worked
• Your thoughts are fear based and paranoid
• You are in a job, a relationship or friendship that drains you mentally, spiritually and emotionally
• You live on programmed thoughts

If any of this sounds familiar you would make a great addition to my new virtual coaching group.
Email me for details vdrake@rcn.com