Work out suitable times in the week both of you can make sex happen. It might sound unromantic to plan time for sex but we all know how to make time for what is important to us – and sex deserves us making time. The anticipation, lead-up and preparation for the date will make it sweeter.
Experiment
The first thing to knowing what you like or want is to try it. Discuss the kinds of sexual experiences that appeals to both of you before experimenting. For instance, you can take turns stroking each other’s body with velvet, feathers, leather, or anything you wish. Half the fun is laughing in bed and other is learning what works for you. When you know what works, you can ask for it.
Ask
There is an age-old myth of “If she really loves me, she should know what to do.” Truth: Your partner is not a mind reader. The first thing to getting what you want in bed is to ask for it. When you begin asking for what you want directly, your partner will know better what you like and how you like it. Best of all, it gives her permission and inspiration to also begin asking for what she wants in bed. One way to do so without offending or hurting her is say: “What you just did was really nice/ great. Can we try this? It might feel better for me today.” The keywords being: might, for you, today.
Breathe
We tend to be shallow breathers. Be conscious of your breath. Take deeper breaths. Remember to breath – and deeply – can help spread the orgasmic energy generated in the body through a hand or blow job to the rest of the body. What this does is it helps prolong your ejaculation as well as intensifies your orgasm.
Feedback
When you provide feedback and communicate regularly with your partner about pleasurable touch, you learn more intimately about each other’s bodies. Afterwards, thank her, praise her for getting what you were saying and ask her if it is alright if she does this again next time. Sexual communication is an ongoing process. Improving how one can speak about love-making will increase the closeness of the relationship and make it a happier one!
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.