Intimacy and the Male Ego - What may Be Causing Your Man's Insecurities

It’s not often that I get a question on male insecurity, but I received an excellent question from a reader who was brave enough to pose the thought – are MEN at times insecure as well as women? As we all know, Rori Raye talks often and at length about female insecurity, and how that insecurity can damage your relationship as well as other aspects of your life. Let’s forget our own insecurities for a moment, and delve into the subject of men.

My reader asked me…

I have a question for you here it is I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years now and I am living with him. We are both in our 40s. Often he ask me after we make love if I am satisfied & if his penis is big enough, and also often he asks me if I am happy being with him. Is it normal for a man to ask that question often on how he is performing in bed and if I am happy to be with him? I told him yes I am happy if I wasn't I wouldn't be with him.

I am questioning myself if I am giving off negative vibes or is he insecure with himself? I don't mind that he ask once in a wild but he's been asking often?

I am confused? I don't know what to think?

Excellent, excellent question! Insecurity, of course, is not limited to women. Men can be very insecure as well. Let’s think about this for a minute. For women, according to Rori Raye, attraction is based in feeling and basically, in the brain. I have heard it said that the brain is the largest sex organ for a woman. But men, on the other hand, are visual creatures. Much of their attraction is based on visual stimulus, and on the response they receive from women about their own actions, confidence, stamina, etc. So, as man who may have his confidence based in these things, its not hard to understand that if they feel they are lacking in size in that area, that they think YOU think that as well.

I have learned a lot recently about sex by reading Alex Allman’s Revolutionary Sex. It’s a fascinating read. And according to Alex, the average male organ size is 5-6 inches give or take a little bit. Now, that is NOT what you see in the erotic movies by any means. (Of course, the women, as well, are not the average size 16 female either!). In addition, many men “present” in different ways, they are either a shower or a grower (love those terms). This means that men, when they are limp, will either be nearly as long when they are aroused, OR, they will be substantially SMALLER when flaccid and their organ will grow quite a bit when they are aroused. Now – most men don’t know this. So, perhaps your man is a “grower”, and does not show his true size when in the locker room with other men, or what have you, and maybe he sees quite a few “showers” in there, that look substantially larger than he is, giving him a false sense of inadequacy.

Rori Raye does not address sexual intimacy specifically in her book, but we can glean a lot of information from there about things that may help our man to feel more positive about himself – not only in the bedroom, but in life as well. One of these things is allowing yourself to fully understand your reactions to him. Perhaps you are not “vocal” in the intimate moments, or perhaps you may have trouble reaching orgasm. Many of us do – believe me. Maybe HE feels that if he has to work harder to bring you fulfillment that it is because of the size of his…tool.

So perhaps you should take a look at your interactions and actions with him in the bedroom. Are you expressing, DURING the act, how he makes you feel? Are you tense, nervous, or feeling pressure to come to orgasm in order to please him? Or perhaps he is a “minute man” and feels that he does not bring you pleasure because the time is too short. There are many factors that could be at work here.
So my advice to you is this – do as Rori Raye suggests in her Have the Relationship You Want eBook, and sit back and take a look at how you respond to him in different situations. This does not, by any means, mean that you are to BLAME for his lack of confidence. But if you are able to adjust your responses to him in a manner that will allow him to begin to understand how happy he makes you, then perhaps this will ease his mind and heighten his own self-confidence.