In dealing with our business relationships, how do we react when things don’t go as we expected? For example, if Paul had applied for a promotion and then found out that he didn’t get it, his negative reaction would probably be anger at his boss, sadness at the disappointment, and anxiety about his career arc. Rather than lash out at his boss or act snappish with co-workers, rather than withdraw from his assignments by losing himself in a card game on his PC, rather than giving up on his pet project, Paul might have a serious chat with his boss about his career aspirations and how he might make a better fit within the organization. He might ask for assignments that are more closely linked to his likings and aptitudes, and he might put even more energy into his pet project to feel better about making a unique offering to the organization. By being his authentic self to his boss, he might improve his career path by making a better fit.
This seems like such an obvious choice, yet one taken so rarely by most of us. Why is that? Because these negative emotions in themselves are not indications of what we should do except in a very general, vague sense. The choices we make are based on clear thinking about our lives. The emotions are mere signposts indicating the general disposition of our reactions.
Do we lash out when we feel anger, as is our first inclination, or do we recognize our frustration in a more mindful manner? Do we run away when we fear something, or do we mindfully share that fear with a supportive individual who might help us come up with a more productive solution? Do we withdraw from someone we love when hurt, or do we choose to be our real self in the moment and share as openly as we can how hurt we feel because of our vulnerability to that special person? The answers to these questions involve mindful thought and openness. The emotions themselves don’t give us the answers. But they are priceless signposts.
In general, bad emotions can be useful if we handle them with mindfulness – as indications for the need to pay more attention to whatever provokes such emotions and to react with more thoughtfulness than usual. Our first inclinations – striking out, withdrawing, giving up – are probably not the best. It’s the balance between emotion and mind that gives us the advantage. Instead of striking out, we can move forward in a more appropriate manner with more confidence. Instead of withdrawing, we can seek out support to bolster our lagging confidence. Instead of giving up, we can reframe our aspirations to better fit the environment we find ourselves in.
David Nour is a social networking strategist and one of the foremost thought leaders on the quantifiable value of business relationships. In a global economy that is becoming increasingly disconnected, David and his team are solving global client challenges with Strategic Relationship Planning™ and Enterprise Social Networking best practices. http://www.relationshipeconomics.net