I was talking to a woman recently and as usually happens, the topic of what I do came up. After explaining that I write books, do public speaking and led workshops and seminars about relationships, she told me she was looking for a man to be in a relationship with.
Everything she said she was looking for had to do with how much money he needed to make. This is NOT how you get a man to fall in love with you.
It scares me how often money is top of the list for so many women. Whatever happened to wanting a nice man, a loving man, a kind man, a caring man? Whatever happened to looking at how capable a man is of loving and being able participate in creating and sustaining a fulfilling relationship? Maybe that’s why so many women have trouble finding their “dream” guy. That dream guy can smell a woman’s selfish, self-centered, materialism a mile away. That’s what a man feels when he comes across this kind of woman.
Men, on the other hand, generally state “attractive” as their first item of what they’re looking for, then “smart.” Of course, men also forget to mention wanting a woman who can join him in creating a beautiful relationship that grows in love over time, but that’s mostly because they assume the woman is the relationship expert. One of my primary goals is to help people get back to what being in a relationship is really about
The goal ought to be to feel loved, fulfilled, content and happy because of how their partner helps enhance their life. Instead, all too often, women get into a relationship, then, after a time, wonder what’s missing, sensing that something isn’t right, without knowing what.
Here’s what needs to be on the top of the list:
Loving;
Being loved;
Being seen;
Feeling supported;
Feeling accepted for who we are;
Having someone to share your life with;
Making great *love*;
Sharing deep, heart-to-heart intimacy;;
Knowing someone is there for you
Being able to create a truly fulfilling, heart-centered relationship;
None of these things come naturally to most men, or women, for that matter. Nature is about survival. Most of us don’t have to deal with survival so we get the luxury to ask for more. The problem is that most people seem to be focused on what they want, rather than what they can offer and what it means to have love as the center point of a relationship. Kind of like being back in the survival mode.
To create a truly satisfying relationship you need to open your heart and look at what your spirit needs. The outer material things will not hold you in the night. And we all know plenty of very rich people who get divorced… each and every day. How much a man makes and how gorgeous a woman is is not what you build an enduring, long-term, holding hands when you’re 90, kind of relationship.
Kara Oh, Relationship coach, best-selling author and public speaker, offers a full range of products and services to assist women and men with everything they need to create fulfilling relationships that are filled with love, playfulness, romance and passion. Whether you are single and looking for the right partner, involved and frustrated, or married and struggling with everything from an affair to falling out of love, her unique resources offer everything that you need to enjoy the kind of relationship you
desire.
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