Gimme That Cookie!

The key to fulfilling your heart’s desires is to recognize that your brain is hardwired to focus on what you want until you get it. You’re not wired to quit. In fact, giving up goes against human nature. And you possess the key skills needed to attain any desire. Skeptical?

Here’s the proof: young children innately know what they want and possess the inborn skills to get it: focus, creativity, confidence and charisma.

Here’s an example: 3-year-old Sophie smiles at her Mommy and sweetly asks for a cookie, but Mom declines her request. What does Sophie do? She pauses for a whole two seconds, then she goes looking for Daddy and asks him for a cookie.

If he refuses, Sophie is undaunted. She looks around for Grandma, Aunt Laurie, the babysitter, the plumber or any other adult who might give her a cookie.

Maybe she throws a temper tantrum. If she discovers the cookie jar unattended, she’ll push a chair over to the counter and start climbing. Nothing is more important than getting her hands on that cookie. She can smell it. She can taste it. She wants it.

Ah, yes, sweet little Sophie is focused.

But somewhere along the line between the age of 3 and today, we have lost this ability to keep looking for ways to get what we want until we get it. Instead, when we don’t get what we want with the first try, we give up.

We label our actions as dumb mistakes, and we label ourselves as failures. Our self-confidence takes a hit, and eventually, we believe we’ll never have the fabulous things our hearts desire because we lack the necessary brains, talent, or luck.

But this simply isn’t true. Evidence to the contrary abounds. We’re surrounded by less talented, less intelligent, less skillful people who have nonetheless accumulated wealth and achieved status.

We scoff. We envy them. We gossip about them. We shoot poison daggers at them with our eyes. We wish we could be them. Or we wish they would lose it all.

But if they can do it, then you could do it if you could just figure out how. Hundreds of books in your local library attest to the one truth they’ve all discovered.

In the face of rejection and brick walls, it’s easy to give up. But the desire doesn’t go away. Your attempts at finding happiness will fall short of true fulfillment because the thought that something’s missing keeps nagging at the back of your mind. Something is missing. Something important. Passion.

Passion is the source of all inspiration and fulfillment. It’s the spark in your gut that moves to your hands when you take action to get it.

And like bundled software, it comes with all the tools you need to get from point A (I want that) to point B (I am/have it). Passion self-generates and self-perpetuates all the energy, enthusiasm, motivation, and creativity you need to do whatever it takes for as long as needed to get what you want.

Let that sink in. You don’t have to work hard at your passion.

Your role is to not stuff it, stifle it, or give up on it. Just get out of the way and let passion do its job. In other words, run all of the software in the bundle until you’ve got what you want.

It’s natural to feel passion. It’s woven into every strand of every human being’s DNA. What’s not woven into your DNA are the specific focus and expression of your passion. This is the fun part. You get to choose what inspires your passion, based on your unique personal preferences.

You’re driven to experience a rich, full life. Beyond accumulating money or status, passion is your innate desire to live a life that’s meaningful, in ways you feel are relevant to you.

When you’re passionate about something (or someone), you’ll spend a lot of time thinking about it. You’ll daydream about how great it will be when you have it. And the power to go after it isn’t just fueled by, it’s turbocharged by passion.

Discipline, Schmiscipline!

I’m going to disagree with the rest of the personal development field again. Self-help gurus insist that you’ll never get past the obstacles to reaching your goals without strong commitment and discipline.

This is where most people fall off the self-improvement bandwagon. They feel utterly devoid of the prerequisite skills, so they conclude that there’s no sense in going further.

With their tail between their legs, they label themselves as weak-willed—or just plain losers—and they cough up their passion. They resign themselves to lives of mediocrity. What an incredible waste.

But I’ve concluded after coaching 600 people that you don’t need commitment or discipline to follow your passion and enjoy a fulfilling life.

I don’t have to renew my commitment to loving the taste of chocolate. I just love to eat ice cream. I don’t have to discipline myself to get in the mood for romance with my beloved. All I have to do is think about how much I love him and the warm, fluffy, frisky feelings rise.

When you hit an obstacle, instead of giving up your passion, recall how awesome you will feel when you have it. This will shift your focus from what you don't want (the obstacle) to what you do want. This is a critical step in keeping your passion glowing.

Then say to yourself: what are some other ways I could get what I want?

When you have more options, you have more power. And that power feeds your confidence and creativity (remember the bundled package of passion). Thus, your imagination is unleashed, and it won’t stop cranking until it comes up with a creative solution. Then you’re on your way again, one step closer to what you want.

If your passion involves others, consider this: the practice of living your passion has tangible outcomes that other people call goals. So from the outside, following your passion looks like you’re ticking off goals and benchmarks on spreadsheets and day planners. Only you will know the difference that makes all the difference.

You see, when you choose a fulfilling life, every step you take in the direction of every passion becomes an act of fulfillment. Each moment of every day is experienced as the progressive attainment and enjoyment of a desire rather than the deferral of gratification until a distant goal is met.

The present moment is its own reward and contains everything you need now. There’s nothing missing that prevents your enjoying it. And the next moment contains everything you need to fulfill even more desires.