Knowing when to say no is a major first step in getting to yes.
How?
Psychologically, when people hear no their immediate reaction is how they can turn that ‘no’ into a yes. For instance, when you tell the car salesperson not today, they begin to figure out ways to make the deal even sweeter – to your advantage.
Another example is when you say no to your kids having 20 kids for a sleepover. Then they will begin negotiating to the manageable 6 friends.
Yes is tempting because we all have the human desire to be liked, get approval, and make others happy. Yes really isn’t yes when it’s at the expense of yourself.
Women find it hard to say no for a few reasons; you want to help, you don’t want to be rude, you like agreement, you fear conflict, and you don’t want to burn bridges. Notice these reasons are all thoughts (false beliefs) not truths.
So, when is the time to say no? There are three specific conditions on knowing when to say no.
1. It’s Not In Your Best Interest. Some people expect you to cover for them, basically, lie. You know that lies usually come back to haunt you. Trust your gut when anyone expects or requests you to not be forthcoming with the truth. The ‘yes’ part will be when the truth is offered by everyone, including your friend.
2. Saying Yes Violates Your Boundaries. When yes goes against your core values and beliefs, no is the better answer. Whenever you go against your core values is when you have a difficult time facing yourself in the mirror. Self-disappoint will carry over into low self-esteem and even lower self-worth.
3. Stress Relief. When you are in overwhelm, up to your neck in work, or not sleeping due to commitments, is a time to stop, take an inventory of your time and realize you are headed for a breakdown. Saying no at this point, taking back a few ‘yeses’ can be a life saver – both mentally and physically.
It’s about how you say no, rather than the fact you’re saying no, that affects the outcome. Listen to your priorities and needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. And when you do say yes, it’ll be music to your ears!
Karen Keller, Ph. D., creator of The Influence It! program, is the first Influence Specialist for women. Unlike other psychologists, Karen is also a Master Certified Coach and the only modern-day teacher of Influence as a way of inner thinking and being…then ultimately doing for having more of what you (really) want. Karen is publisher of Influence It! Real POWER for Women, The Web's #1 Resource for the Influential Woman's Journey, and the blog Influence By Design, where she shares insights and leading-edge information for the influential woman on the go.
Her newest offering is The Working Woman’s Coaching Membership, a coaching program for women who desire to uncover (and use) their true influence power, which can be found at www.karen-keller.com Karen is a contributing author to, “Stepping Stones to Success: Experts Share Strategies For Mastering Business, Life & Relationships” with Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, and Denis Waitley which is in bookstores this summer. Join Karen as she shares the latest proven strategies for a balanced take-charge life!