How to Communicate with a Man

Every woman has been in a situation where her man became moody, withdrawn, and won’t tell you what is wrong. He completely closes down or goes into the ‘cave.’ How you respond to this can make the difference between whether he falls deeper in love with you or walks away without any explanation or closure.

The first mistake women make is by taking men’s silence personally. The most important thing you can learn is that it means nothing when a man withdraws. It doesn’t mean he is leaving you, or cheating, or losing interest. In fact, if you can learn to be fluid, you may find that he comes back rejuvenated and more in love than he was before.

There are different ways to work out our emotions. Women share. They are very social and will spill everything, talk about it, and once they hear it ‘out loud’ they are okay. Men keep it inside, work it through, and then just let it fade. Neither of these communication styles needs to have a third party ‘fix’ the problem.

That is why one of the worst things a woman can do is to ‘trap’ a man and ‘make’ him hear her point. The woman often feels that He will understand how she feels if he could only hear her side of the story. However, this strategy back fires. Instead the man will become overwhelmed and close down completely and stop working his problem out. Instead, he is more likely to just leave and end the relationship without ever telling you why.

What to Watch For

Men will usually become quiet. They will withdraw. If the problem is bigger then he may become moody. And he may even go into his cave for an extended period of time. And, hear this ladies, he will not come out until ‘he’ is ready. When he does come out he may, or may not, tell you what the problem was. No matter what his choice, you must respect his privacy and individuality and respect his choice.

How to Communicate with a Man

A man will only communicate with a woman when he feels safe. This cannot be force or rushed. There is nothing you can do to make him feel safe. Men view safety as a different thing that trust. The best way to make a man feel safe is to stop trying to ‘make’ him feel safe.

How to Create Safety

1. Accept him.
One of the biggest mistakes women make is to try and change a man. It rarely happens. If it does, the change will only be temporary. I will dig deep inside him for a period of time then he will go off looking for a woman who ‘understands him.’

2. Give Him Freedom
Let him be who he is. It doesn’t matter what he does as long as he is not hurting you. He will have his sports and activities. He will do things with his friends. You may not understand why he does these things, especially the dangerous ones. The important thing is to let him have his freedom.

I cannot explain why. All I can say is that if you give him freedom then he will come back to you, eventually, with a smile on his face and ready to focus on you.

3. Feel Good About Yourself
The number one reason men leave is for behaviour problems. Most of these behaviour problems are caused by women who want to define the relationship and force a man to ‘play his part’ in the relationship.

Instead, take care of your own emotional needs. Do things that make you feel good. Let go of some relationship myths. The biggest one is that a man is suppose to make you feel secure and happy. No one can make you feel secure and happy except you. If you can let go and rejuvenate yourself before connecting with your man then you’ll see a big difference in his attitude.

There is nothing more attractive to a man than a happy, confident woman. There is nothing that a man fears more than an anxious, needy, woman.

4. Keep it Simple
If he has made you upset or concerned then keep it simple. I tell women to write out their ‘argument’ in 125 words. After that his mind will start to wander and he won’t hear you. When you talk to him never – ever – attack him. Start statements clean and simple. “I feel....” is powerful because you are giving him the argument in a way he can understand. He can fix the problem.

If you start by saying “I can’t believe you act this way.....” then he has no way to fix the problem – because you’ve just told him that ‘he’ is the problem. So you’ve basically told him that the relationship is over.

The last thing I want to say is that it will either happen, or it won’t. Nothing you can do will change how a man will feel about you. He either wants you or he doesn’t. Learn to trust this fact. It will free you from a lot of baggage such as feelings of rejection, insecurity, and trying to overcompensate in the next relationship.

It doesn’t seem to be too hard, does it? Relationships are not suppose to be hard. We make them hard when we pose unrealistic expectations on our partner. Next time he withdraws or goes into a cave, then you take this time for your own breather.

Remember, he is going to come back rejuvenated. The best thing you can do for your relationship is to be as energized and ready for love as he is.