Finding Romance Online: Suggestions For Keeping It Real

Looking for love in all the wrong places? (try Facebook or an online dating site)
Okay, first, I’m assuming that you are single. If you are not, if you are married, engaged, or in what your partner assumes is a committed relationship STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!

Shame on you! The only way to atone for your sins is to go find your spouse, intended, or partner and make passionate love to them. If you are doing this in the office and your spouse, intended, or partner is not readily available, don’t make love to anyone. But be sure to buy your spouse, intended or partner flowers on the way home. (BTW, men like to get flowers, too.)

But if you are single and getting tired of the singles’ scene, this is for you. Do you really want to look in bars for romance? You’re more likely to find one-night-stands and/or some STD.

Oh, you’re not that kind of gal or guy? You do your looking at church suppers, mall food courts, or supermarket meat counters (“How would you fix this steak?”)? But, frankly, in these venues, the pickings seem pretty slim (I don’t mean slim and trim, I mean virtually non-existent).

What to do? Consider online dating. This can be safe (if you do it right) and fun. The pool of potential partners is virtually unlimited, and the platform – while it seems ready-made for commitment-phobes – can actually result in long-term, mutually satisfactory relationships and even the M word.

There are at least two possibilities: You can go it alone and cruise the social media like Facebook (or LinkedIn if you’re after – how to say this nicely? – richer game. Or you can join an online dating site.

Be aware that while online dating sites may advertise free membership, they are like the modest young ladies of the turn of the twentieth century: they may be so bold as to show you a well-turned ankle but if you want to see any more, you have to put out.

Know what you want (or what you can tolerate)
However you decide to meet people online, it’s a good idea to sit down first and have a long, searching talk with yourself. Just what is it that you are looking for? A pen pal? A fun flirt? A long-term but not exclusive relationship? A wedding ring?

And who are you looking for? Male or female (or, I suppose, trans-gender)? Young or young-at-heart? Movie-star gorgeous or eh-so-so? It might also be well to think about who might be looking for you. Ladies, consider this:

Gentlemen, sorry, I couldn’t find a comparable picture. You’ll just have to use your imaginations.

Be honest (but be aware of the fact that your online pal may not be)
Speaking of imaginations, it is important that you not be too imaginative in filling out your profile. Be honest. Remember the old Golden Rule? Well, if you’ve forgotten, it is: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

If this is a wholly new concept, let me explain. If you are, say, 61, overweight, and poor as a church mouse (another outmoded reference) don’t put up the picture of a twenty-something cutie or hunk. Don’t tell your profile that you are twenty-eight, slim, trim, taut and terrific. And don’t say that you make $100K+ a year.

Also be honest about what you are looking for. If you just want a fling, don’t string some poor schmuck who wants a serious commitment along. Tell him or her that you are just in it for the fun. Or, if you are out for the golden ring, don’t trick some unwitting, fun-loving commitment-phobe into promising more than he or she can, or is willing to, deliver.

Bottom line: Use your own picture, tell the truth, and be clear with yourself and the other person about what you expect.

Go slow (frankly, I think slow dances are more romantic)
Once you start communicating with someone, take it slow. Don’t rush into the rose-colored glasses, full-disclosure (or, if you have a webcam, the full monty). Give your relationship time to develop, age and ripen – like fine wine or stinky cheese.

Don’t give out private information such as your address, phone number, social security number, bank routing number and account number until you are absolutely sure that the person you are communicating with is THE ONE.

On the other hand, demand of the other person and be willing to supply yourself, some verifiable information so that they (and you) can check up and make sure they (or you) are really who they say they are. Do a background check if you really want to be sure and assume that the other person will be doing a background check on you. That will do wonders for keeping both of you honest.

Do you really want to meet? (the imagination can be a wonderful thing)
Don’t rush into a meeting. Let the suspense build. Let the romance blossom. Be aware that even if you or the other person has the best of intentions to be honest, the very courtship process will produce little discrepancies. They may fudge on their age. You may conveniently forget to mention the few extra pounds you’re carrying. Both of you will be trying to present yourselves in the best possible light and, quite frankly, sometimes the reality can’t live up to the hype.

Bear that last sentence in mind when you do meet: both of you will be trying to present yourselves in the best possible light and sometimes the reality can’t live up to the hype. So don’t meet on the courthouse steps just before stepping up to the Justice of the Peace.

Don’t meet in your home or theirs – you may find that you want to make a quick getaway. Meet in a neutral area – a restaurant, an airport lounge, a mall – and it might be a good idea to have a friend or relative in the same general area in case things get sticky.

One final note: Don’t assume that anyone desperate enough to date online must be a loser. More and more people are finding this a convenient way to meet, screen, and get to know people before they make a commitment. You just might find a winner. After all, you’re a winner. Right?