“There are no good men left in the world!” At least this is how it feels to Liz. She has met and dated many men, but none of them are what she's looking for.
Liz has had horrible experiences with men. She's dated guys who were disrespectful, guys who took her for granted and guys who lied and cheated on her. It seems like all of the quality men are already in committed relationships and that Liz is destined to be alone-- or with a man who is not what she truly wants.
This is a depressing thought for Liz, but she doesn't know how (or where) to meet the man who will be match for what she wants in a love relationship.
Have you had it with dating?
Like Liz-- and whether you're a man or a woman-- after a string of negative experiences with partners who are just about the polar opposite of what you're looking for, you might feel fed up with dating. It might seem to you that all of the “good” ones are taken and that you will be single the rest of your life, when you don't want to be.
We understand.
Having experienced relationships where you were lied to, cheated on or somehow disrespected or mistreated can leave scars. You can start to believe that every new person you meet or date is going to turn out the way the last one did-- and that's not what you want.
Make completions
If you're in this situation, our first suggestion is for you to find a way to make completions with the past. It's not really possible to “wipe the slate clean” or pretend that you weren't hurt and betrayed by your ex.
Instead, what we encourage you to do is to find a way to process your feelings, come to some form of closure about what happened (this might be in stages or layers) and let it go.
Greeting each new person you meet, and possibly date, with an expectation that he or she will be just like your ex-- or every one who has ever hurt you in the past-- is not accurate, fair and NOT in your best interests.
Make completions and keep making them so that you can truly be in the present moment with those you interact with.
Live your priorities
Now that you're making completions and living more in the present with those you meet and are getting to know, be sure you are being true to you. Sometimes when a person is searching for a partner, in order to make a certain impression, the person will try to be something he or she isn't.
There's nothing wrong with stretching yourself or making changes. What can get you in trouble, however, is if you are making changes (or pretending to make changes) when YOU don't really want to make those changes. When you believe that you have to be something that you're not in order to attract a date, you're usually setting yourself up for pain.
Know what is authentically you and know your priorities. After that, live your priorities-- make sure you are making life decisions that line up with what is most important to you.
The best match for you will be someone who is drawn to your most genuine and authentic self. Take the time to discover what that is, if you don't already know, and then keep remembering it.
If it seems that someone you meet doesn't share the same priorities as you do, this might be a sign that he or she is not a good match for you...or it might be an opportunity for you to expand. There's a big difference between compromising your principles and closing out someone out because he or she has a different view than you do.
Look at the big picture when it comes to your priorities and those of your date (or a potential partner). How much overlap is there? If there's little overlap, do you enjoy the way you learn and grow when you're with this person?
Your answers to questions like these will help you know whether or not this person is a good match for you.
Let your “light” shine
Be sure that you are letting your light shine. We all have an inner spark or “light” that we can allow to show (or not). When you try to be something that you're not or when you place an unfair expectation on another person, this will hide your light every time.
It's really tough to let someone else see the radiance that is within you-- that is you-- when you're caught up in the past or you're not being true to you. The answer, of course, is to be genuine, live in the moment and stay open.
These are the keys that will help you attract and keep the kind of partner and relationship you most desire.
Click here to get Susie and Otto Collins' free report: "5 Keys to a Great Relationship."
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire. They have written these e-books and programs: Magic Relationship Words, Relationship Trust Turnaround, No More Jealousy and Stop Talking on Eggshells among many others.