My Biggest Mistake I Made in Loving Myself

The Biggest Mistake I Made in Loving Myself

My conscious journey of Self-Love began when I divorced my fourth husband almost 6 years ago. The demise of that marriage began my journey of self-reflection and emotional excavation. I realized that the only common denominator in all of my marriages was ME and during my self-reflection I realized that the men I married were all very similar, there were many common threads.

There was also a common thread within the reasons why I married. Like many women I felt incomplete without a man. I hated being single and I had had a boyfriend from the time I was about 14 years old. I was always able to find love…or at least what I thought was love. But each and every time I LOST myself in the relationship. Yup, completely gone, I would just disappear.

So going into that fourth divorce I was exhausted, I was tired of settling, I was tired of feeling unloved and insignificant in my relationships. But I also knew that my experience in these and all of my relationships was a result of my relationship to myself. So I made a commitment to love myself and my life as a single, self-employed, mother of three began.

I. Was. Terrified!

I obviously survived the experience and actually thrived for some time. But I have now realized that after some years of becoming somewhat known for Self-Love (here’s the mistake I made) I decided that I had arrived, that my Self-Love journey was over. I’m not sure when I made that decision. But when I did something profound happened. Unknowingly, I went to sleep.

Gradually I stopped being aware of what was going on in my mind and my heart. I assumed that I loved myself and I stopped paying attention. I realize now that the journey is NEVER over. You know how sometimes we can put our best foot forward during a courtship then once we’re married we “let ourselves go”. That’s what I did. I had married myself and then abandoned myself. Now I see that I did to myself what every man I married had done within our marriage. I stopped mattering. . The result was that my “old” patterns crept back in, slowly but surely.

As my dream life was gradually falling apart I felt ashamed. I was ashamed that I knew about Self-Love but my life was not appearing to be a manifestation of it. I began to hide. I believed that I was no longer qualified to be a Self-Love Specialist. I erroneously thought that I had to be perfect to be of service, but now I realize that my authentically bumpy journey is much more useful to everyone (including myself) than a shined up, sparkly, non-existent, mistake free journey.

Self-Love is a lifetime journey, just like any other relationship it continually needs to be nurtured.

So here I am beginning again! Will you join me?

Falling back to sleep has been apart of my journey and now I am more AWAKE than ever before. I am wide awake and alive. I don’t know that we ever complete the journey. My intuition tells me that the journey is infinite and that no matter at what level we find ourselves we will always be given opportunities to up-level our game.

I’m going to continue sharing the details of my Self-Love journey. I will share stories of my current daily challenges of my to the demise of my relationships and the tools I used to get through them, to the stories of Self-Love as a mother.

I have always taught that when we honestly love ourselves we are free of shame and we can share our stories candidly knowing that we have become the incredible being we are as a result of our experiences. I also believe that when we share our stories we bring a healing light to others.

I hope you will join me.
Until next time…

Your Sister in Self-Love,
Michelle Lee
www.overcomeangerandlowselfesteem.com