Only you can take control of your life. Much of the time you may feel that you have little control over the world around you. The daily events may continue with or without your input. But you do have control over how you react to what life has sent your way. Life is made up of choices, and often these choices are based upon the self- image we may have, our value system and the life skills we use as tools to negotiate through the frantic world we sometimes call "Life." The simple solution to regaining a sense of calm in your life is based on two ways in which you take control. Take control of your thoughts and your actions. And then practice saying that little word, "no."
Take Control of Your Thoughts
What you think of yourself is incredibly important in how you react to others. If you really take a hard look at your self-image you may find that you give yourself little respect. You put yourself last in situations and forget to take care of your own physical, emotional and spiritual needs because you are taking care of someone else, such as a child, husband, or elderly parent. As a caregiver, you put other people's needs first and may find that you feel guilty if you take time for yourself. This belief that you do not deserve any self-care can become debilitating.
You may have strongheld emotional reactions that are triggering negative responses and acting as a barrier, preventing you from moving forward in a healthy relationship. You may be harboring anger, fear, anxiety, or guilt in your life situation, and these feelings act as a filtering lens through which you view your life situation. Emotions can preoccupy your focus and cause you to develop a negative outlook. Pessimism is no way to go through life because it leads to poor self esteem and a feeling of helplessness.
Negativity is extremely detrimental to one's emotional health. You need to hang with people who are positive rather than negative. Hang with people who are optomistic and rather than complaining. You know how much complaining people can bring down the atmosphere in an office, volunteer organization or family situation. Negativity is an attitude that promotes higher levels of stress. Negativity and pessimism are two attitudes that cause you to react to whatever the world serves up, rather than being proactive and believing that you can take control of any given situation. Staying positive and self belief are two important ingredients in developing a healthy and fulfilling life.
Take Control of Your Actions
Actions speak louder than words, and you have the choice to decide what actions to take when you are handling all of your responsibilities and trying to balance work, home life and kids' schedules. At these times, in the midst of a chaotic day filled with frantic trips to doctor appointments, saxophone lessons, dry cleaners and the grocery store--all after putting in a full day at the office-- it is difficult for you to contemplate that you have power over this hectic schedule. Yes, you have the power to make choices in your life and to be assertive in deciding what you will and will not do. If you are feeling stressed, you probably are feeling that life is spinning out of your control. But this is not true. You have the power to take control of your actions. When you feel in control of your life situation, then there is a certain calmness that begins to develop and a sense that you are in charge of your life rather than letting your life be in charge of you. How you react to the daily life situations is your decision. Maybe you feel that there is just too much to do and not enough time to accomplish everything. You feel overwhelmed. If this is how you are feeling it is time that you stop and re-assess the situation. When there are too many responsibilities on your plate for you to handle on your own, you have three ways to react. You can decide (1) what you can delegate to others, (2) what you need to personally complete, and (3) what you can drop from your schedule. Prioritize what is important for you to complete and what responsibilities you can eliminate. Remember to avoid trying to be SuperMom. So when things get hectic, stop and slow down the frantic pace. Prioritize what is important. Keep life as simple as you can so that you get away from the feeling of being overwhelmed. This is not a race to see who can get to the end of life's journey first.
Just Say No!
It is difficult for women to say, "no." Being wired to value relationships, it is difficult to say “no” and risk losing a connection. But there are times when people ask you to give more than you can. The need for approval and resistance to saying "no" can be extreme. Yet saying “no” to people's requests can be a healthy way of setting priorities and boundaries in your life. If you have trouble saying "no" because you think that you are appearing weak or you are disappointing someone, then practice saying no prior to the situation. Role play with a friend and rehearse the situation ahead of time. If someone is not accepting your "no" response, be assertive and clearly state that at this time it is not possible for you to meet their request. Stay away from situations that make you feel awkward and uncomfortable. If someone becomes nasty when you decline an offer, and will not take "no" for an answer, or makes you feel guilty, reconsider the relationship. Learn to refuse without regrets.
Stress does not disappear simply by following these stress reduction remedies. As you go through your life journey it is necessary to develop a set of life skills that can help you better manage your many responsibilities such as developing a better understanding of time management, being able to set goals and prioritize what is important and having a good set of communication tools. You have a purpose here on earth and you are not going to find the best use of your talents and abilities if you are too stressed to accomplish anything. So slow down and take a deep breath. Look at what you have on your "to do" list and see what you can do about taking back control of your life.
Ann Gatty, Ph.D. is a certified teacher, mentor, author and organizational strategist. Through her website, www.stress-management-4-women.com, Dr. Gatty coaches women in stress management strategies, life skill development, and building life transitions to balance personal and professional goals. Previously she designed and taught college courses in education and leadership. In addition, Ann has extensive experience working with non-profit and for profit organizations. This background gives her insights into the many challenges women have balancing professional and personal responsibilities. Ann now dedicates her coaching practice to helping women, both on-line and face-to-face, during periods of life transition and/or finding ways to maximize their potential as women entrepreneurs. She is the author of Discovering God’s Recipe for a Healthy Body, Heart and Soul. Ann Gatty earned a Ph.D. in Instruction and Learning from the University of Pittsburgh, School of Education. She is married, the mother of two young adult boys, and shares her home with her husband, two Great Danes and a Bassett Hound.