Vampire Thinking Series # 6
So many of us don’t realize how fear drives our everyday world. Fear is often behind our lack of authentically loving relationships, unsatisfying jobs, disappointment in our selves, bad money management, and lackluster lives.
Take a few minutes out of your busy day and write down on a pad or journal where you are unhappy and dissatisfied. Leave a space under each area on your paper. Next, write under each area what you are afraid of. Ask yourself questions like: what could happen to me if I take this on, what do I know won’t work about this, what if I fail, what if I get hurt, what could backfire on me here? Reflect on your list and what do you notice? Does this sound like what you’re after in life?
How many of us get so little because our expectations of ourselves and our lives are pitifully low? This way of living is caused by unconscious fear. This fearful response is actively working in the background of our lives and behind most of our decisions. While fear can be a healthy response to danger and potentially harmful choices, when it becomes a way of living, it actually becomes the harm we’re trying to avoid. The result is that we lose touch with our selves and what we really want our life to be. We lose the opportunity to try new things and grow. We forsake our birth right to make our true contribution to ourselves and the world. We become sad and disillusioned and don’t know why our lives feel so meaningless.
To have a life of meaning we must be willing to take risks and make bold decisions. We must take action even in the throes of gripping fear. Most often after taking action we learn it was not a big deal after all and our fear was unfounded. Making mistakes and losing is a part of every one’s life and the more mistakes we make the better we learn what works for us. And besides – most fear is based on the memories of past experiences and has nothing to do with what we’re doing now.
We need to remember that the fear of living life fully and authentically is based on assumptions we made at various times in our lives and the way we interpreted these events. We could just as easily made different assumptions and interpretations and have caused totally different outcomes. So the question becomes: Are you basing your inability to respond to opportunities in your life on the vicarious interpretations of a 7 year old? And how much longer are you willing to continue that behavior?
The following are a series of steps you can take to get fear under your control one step and one area at a time. Try out these steps:
Step 1. Make a list of what you would have access to in each area described above if fear was absent in that domain.
Example: In the domain of money - “I would have access to more money if I wasn’t fearful of being turned down for a better paying job.”
Step 2. Answer the question: How would the absence of fear in that domain compare to what you have now?
Using the example above: “If fear was under my control, I would believe in myself, work hard to create an awesome resume, and go for the jobs I truly desire and deserve.”
Step 3. Answer the question: What would be possible in your life if you didn’t have fear in this or that area and how would that feel?
Example: If I didn’t have fear around money, I could let go of stressing about it, find a nicer apartment, take great vacations, help my mother with her medications, and feel better about myself.”
Step 4. What 1 step in one area or domain can you take to get started toward having a richer and more fulfilling life and dispel the fear?
Example: “The one step I will take to get started is to find an expert to help me scale up my resume and let my contacts know about my new intention to strengthen my commitment so I can’t back down.”
Step 5. Decide on how you will measure success, one step at a time.
Example: “I will measure success by creating a plan; writing down every accomplishment, recording what I learn from each and every mistake, and reading all three every day.”
Step 6: Watch your Vampire Thinking ®. Stay on track by using persistence, positive thinking and faith that you will prevail and you WILL succeed.
Step 7. Get support. Enlist at least one person who you can “report” to who will hold you accountable to achieving your goals.
Wishing you good health, success, and prosperity.
Carol Gignoux, M.Ed. is well established as an expert within the ADHD coaching, consulting and training profession with over 35 years experience working with ADHD and over 16 years as a professional coach. Carol and her team of experts specialize in coaching teens and adults who want to move beyond their issues, and develop the skills and confidence to achieve better results in their academic, professional, and personal lives.