Early Deprivation: Can Someone Have The Tendency To Erase Themselves If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone were to think about what they were like when they last spent time around others, what might enter their mind is that they didn’t show up. What they can find is that it was as though they were wearing a mask and acted as though they were not a separate human being.

The reason for this is that they might have created the impression that everything was fine, even though it wasn’t and didn’t freely express themselves. Now, this could be the exception as opposed to the rule; then again, they might see that this is what typically takes place when they are around others.

Hiding in Plain Sight

When this takes place, who they are won't see the light of day and they will simply play a role. It is then not going to be possible for them to truly connect to others or for others to truly connect to them.

Thus, even if they are surrounded by others, they are likely to feel incredibly lonely. To use an analogy, it will be as though they are surrounded by food, yet they are starving, as they are unable to get near it.
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Another Area

If they are in a romantic relationship, it might not be much different as they could seldom show up around their partner and be focused on pleasing them. Moreover, their partner could be so caught up with their own needs that it doesn’t occur to them that their relationship is out of balance.

They will then act as though they are an extension of their partner, and their partner can simply expect them to be this way. If they do change and put themselves first, their partner can react negatively and accuse them of being self-absorbed.

A Draining Existence

Assuming that they can relate to both of these examples, their life is not going to be very fulfilling. They will give a lot of themselves to others, and they won’t receive a great deal back.

Part of this will be because they hide themselves, and part of it will be because there is at least one person in their life who is unable to be there for them. One is then in a position where they generally don’t give others the chance to be there for them, and when they do, the support that they need is generally not forthcoming.

What’s going on?

At this point, they can wonder why they rarely show up around others, and when they do, they are seldom supported. What can soon enter their mind is that it is not possible for them to be themselves and survive.

Instead, they can believe that the only way that they can survive is if they hide themselves and focus on and please others. Unlike others, then, who have the right to be on this earth, be supported and freely express themselves, they won’t have the right to be here, be supportive, or to freely express themselves.

A Strange Scenario

If they were to share what is going on for them with a trusted friend or family member, they could be told that they have the right to be here, be supported and freely express themselves. To this person, it can be clear that they are here to have their own life, not act as though they are an extension of others.

After they have spoken to them, they could agree with what has been said and wonder why they don’t know this. Nonetheless, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them as a child, it might soon make sense.

Back In Time

From a very young age, their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Along with this, one or both of them might have looked toward them to meet some of their needs.

The outcome of this is that they would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded, and they would have had to give at a time when they needed to receive. To handle what happened, they would have had to lose touch with their connected true self and develop a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

Early Conditioning

They would have been sent the message that their needs and feelings were bad and that they were here to adapt to and meet other people’s needs. In the beginning, when they freely expressed themselves, they were likely to have been disapproved of and punished.

So, they might have been criticised, humiliated, rejected, left and even physically harmed. Taking all this into account, thanks to their need to be loved and survive, they would have had to lose themselves and be super focused on the needs of their mother and/or father.

The Truth

To use an analogy, it was as if they were a seed that wasn’t able to fall to the ground and ended up landing in a gutter. It then had to adapt, which would have stopped it from taking root and receiving the nutrients that it needed to grow and reach its full potential.

But, although they were not given the love and support that they needed to be themselves, it wasn’t their fault. Most likely, their mother and/or their father were unable to provide them with what they needed, as they themselves had also been deprived during their formative years.

Moving Forward

For them to be able to be themselves, they are likely to have conditioning to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.