Early Deprivation: Can A Goal Be Another Way For Someone To Struggle For Love?

If someone is feeling low and is even depressed, they might believe that they need a goal to work toward. Then again, they could talk to a trusted friend or family member about how they feel, and this is what they could be told.

Assuming that the latter takes place, this can be seen as a way for them to change how they feel. This is because they won’t be as caught up in their thoughts or feelings, as they will have something to focus on.

Another part

Also, once they have achieved their goal, there is likely to be how they feel about themselves. They can feel a sense of accomplishment, and this can increase their self-esteem.

With this in mind, based on how they feel, it could be said that finding the right goal and then doing what they can to achieve it will be a good idea. Alternatively, they could find a number of goals.

The Next Stage

Now, they could have the desire to lose weight, gain muscle, go to the next level in their career, or earn more money, for instance. Once they have worked out what it is that they want to achieve, they can take the first step.

As the days, weeks and months pass, they can see that they are making progress. During this time, they can start to feel better about themselves and be less caught up in what is going on internally.

External Feedback

Furthermore, their friends and family can start to comment on how different they are. They can say that they seem happier and more focused, and that they are pleased with how well they are doing.

If they do receive this type of feedback, it can have a big impact on them. They can also be grateful for their support and having their back when they were not in a good way.

The Final Stage

After a certain period of time has passed, they can arrive at the point where they have achieved their goal. If so, they can experience a sense of relief, feel powerful and be deeply grateful.

They could then take the time to savour the moment, looking back on how hard they worked. After a while, they might think about what else they would like to achieve and start working on their next goal.

Another Scenario

Then again, after they have achieved their goal, part of them might feel relieved and grateful, but an even bigger part of them could feel deflated. They can then feel the way they did at the beginning, or even worse.

What might enter their mind, at this point, is that they just need to find another goal and that if they do, they will feel better. However, even if they were to find another goal and achieve this goal, it might not have much of an impact.

Confusion

If they are in this position, they can wonder why they feel this way, as having a goal will seem like the way for them to change how they feel. This is likely to be based on the view that achievement and being successful is the way for someone to feel good about themselves.

But, although this is what will appear to be the truth, it won’t be an approach that has worked for them. Instead, it will have simply caused them to work hard, only to end up back where they started, emotionally.

What’s going on?

The reason that they can feel better when they are working toward a goal can not only be because they are avoiding how they feel, but also because they are unconsciously struggling for the love that they missed out on as a child. When they are working toward a goal, then, a big part of them will believe that this will allow them to be loved.

This will fill them with energy and hope, thereby allowing them to avoid feeling helpless and hopeless. But, as this stage of their life is over and it is too late for them to receive the love that they missed out on, they won’t receive what they missed out on once they have achieved a goal and will, thus, reconnect to the helplessness and hopelessness that is inside them.

An Emotional Desert

When it comes to their formative years, this may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

To handle not receiving the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. But while the love that they needed was not available, they would have struggled to be loved.

It Continues

Most likely, their mother and perhaps their father were also greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years, which is why they couldn’t provide them with the love that they needed. Yet, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that they were worthless and unlovable and that their needs and feelings were bad.

Taking all this into account, for them to no longer look for the love that they missed out on, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.