Mother Wounds: Why Would A Mother-Enmeshed Man Try To Rescue His Mother?

In general, a man could do a lot for his mother, and he may have been this way for many years. He is then going to be more like her parent than her son, which will mean that he is out of balance.

However, no matter what he does for her, he could end up doing even more if she becomes ill and unable to do as much. Assuming that this was to take place, he will have even less time and energy left for himself.

External Feedback

If he were to talk to a friend or family about what is going on, he could be told that he is living in the right way, or something similar. This could show that they believe that a son is responsible for his mother or that an adult child should look after their parent as they get older.

What this is likely to illustrate is that it won’t occur to them that he is also neglecting himself or that he might have been moulded, from a young age, to meet her needs. Anyway, he can go away with a sense of pride in how he is living his life.

Another Scenario

Alternatively, after talking to a friend or family member about what is going on, he could be told that he needs to start putting himself first. This could show that they are aware of how much he has done for her over the years.

They could see how his own life has been neglected and the impact that this has had on his wellbeing. Due to this, they will see that it is time for him to stop neglecting himself and to do what is right for him.

A Clear Understanding

If this person knew him when he was a boy, they might be aware of how he was moulded from a young age to be there for his mother. They are then not going to make out that he is doing the right thing by ignoring himself or that she deserves his attention.

What they could tell him is that he is not going to live forever and, if he doesn’t do what is right for him soon, it might be too late. Ultimately, they will have his best interests at heart.

The Next Stage

If what he is told has an impact on him, he could end up wondering why he is so caught up with her needs. He could see that while a big part of him wants to be there for his mother, only a small part of him doesn’t.

Also, he might see that apart from his basic needs, he is not aware of a number of his needs or how he feels. As a result, he is not just going to be able to draw the line with his mother and live his own life.

What’s going on?

The reason he is experiencing life in this way is likely to primarily be a consequence of what took place during his formative years. This is likely to have been a time when his mother was emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Along with this, she probably forced him to adapt to and be there for her. A stage of his life, when he needed to receive, was then a stage when he was forced to adapt to his environment and give.

The Outcome

To handle being greatly deprived and deeply wounded, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. This would have also involved him losing touch with his connected, true self and creating a disconnected, false self.

Yet, although his need to be loved by her would have been repressed, it would have continued to impact him. Deep down, he would have lived in the hope - the false hope - that if he was there for her and met her needs, he would be loved by her.

One Focus

Many years will have passed since he was a powerless and dependent boy but he will still be in a disconnected state and he will still be trying to be loved by her. The trouble is that not only is it too late for him to receive this love but even if it wasn’t, his mother is still unable to love him.

Therefore, even if it wasn’t too late and he was able to help his mother return to good health, he wouldn’t receive the love that a big part of him craves. Thanks to this, he is likely to end up feeling helpless and hopeless.

Moving Forward

This is likely to be how he felt throughout his early years after he was deprived but how he felt would have been removed from his conscious awareness to allow him to keep it together and function. The false hope that he developed would have served as a secondary defence.

For him to no longer look for what he missed out on and be able to live his own life, he is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.