Mother Wounds: Can A Man Find It Hard To Trust Women If He Had An Abusive Mother?

Over the years, a man may have been with a number of women who have let him down and even betrayed him. Thanks to this, he might be very cautious when it comes to women.

So, he might keep them at a distance both emotionally and physically or just emotionally. When it comes to the former, he won’t date or share his body with a woman and, when it comes to the latter, he might date but he won’t allow himself to get emotionally close to a woman.

Keeping His Distance

Of course, he will miss out on far more if he keeps his distance both emotionally and physically than if he only keeps his distance emotionally. But, even if he does share his body and mind with a woman, he is still going to miss out.

His need to experience a deeper connection with a woman is not going to be met, which will deprive him. It might be possible for him to deny this need in the short term but he is unlikely to be able to in the long term.

A Conversation

Sooner or later, he could end up talking to a friend or family member and they could ask him about this area of his life. For example, they could ask him if he is with anyone or is in a relationship.

He could say that he is single or is not in a serious relationship. They could listen to what he has to say and ask him if he is happy with this area of his life.

The Next Phase

He could say that he is and he could be telling the truth. However, after he has had this conversation, he could reflect on this area of his life and he might see that he would like more.

If this is the case, it could be said that he wasn’t telling the truth. Yet, as his need for more will have been outside of his conscious awareness, he would have been telling the truth as he wasn’t aware of this need before.

The next Stage

If he does have the need for more, he could soon experience resistance. The reason for this is that he can think about the times when he has been with a woman and he was let down and hurt.

Due to how painful this area of his life has been, a big part of him is not going to want to be in the same position again. The part of him that does want to experience a deeper connection with a woman is then going to be outmuscled by this other part of him.

Another Angle

At this point, it can seem as if he just happened to have experiences with women where he was taken advantage of. If it wasn’t for these experiences, then, he would be able to let his guard down when he is with a woman and experience a deeper connection.

Nonetheless, what if there is another reason why he is unable to trust women? What if what took place during his formative years and the impact it had on him has played a big part in why he has had these experiences with women?

Back In Time

There is a chance that this was a stage of his life when he was often hurt by his mother. If so, his mother wouldn’t have made the odd mistake as a result of being an imperfect human; there would have been more to it.

His mother might have been very critical and verbally and even physically abusive. Consequently, being put down, humiliated, used, and harmed would have been a normal part of his childhood.

A Tough Time

The person, who he needed to be able to attach to and bond with so that he could develop in the right way, was the person who deeply wounded him. To handle what was going on, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs and he would have developed a sense of mistrust.

Most likely, his mother was deeply wounded and in an emotionally shut down state, which would have stopped her from being aware of the damage that she was doing. Her early years were probably a time when she had also been mistreated.

A Battle

Anyway, as his mother acted like his enemy, she would have naturally been seen as a threat. He would have had to keep his guard up around her and this would have stopped him from being able to just be and relax.

What he needed to grow and develop in the right way wouldn’t have been available and this would have caused him to be developmentally stunted. But, although how he was treated was not a reflection of his worth or lovability, or what all women are like, as he was egocentric, he would have personalised what took place and believed that his mother represented all women.

A Futile Struggle

With this in mind, it will be clear that what he came to believe as a child will be impacting his life but that won’t be all there is to it. Along with this, there will be the part of him that is still trying to receive his mother’s love.

This part of him will cause him to unconsciously be pulled to women who will wound him in the same way as his mother did, in the hope that he will finally receive the love that he missed out on. It won’t matter that they are not his mother or that it is too late to meet this need, as this repressed part of him has no sense of time and is blind.

Moving Forward

For him to truly move on from what happened, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.