After one has spoken to a friend or family member on a number of occasions about the person who they are in a relationship with, they could soon come to the conclusion that something isn’t right. This could be because they are with someone who is physically and/or verbally abusive, but, this might not be the case.
Instead, it can be because they have been talking to someone for months if not years and haven’t met them. Additionally, they might have told them that they have sent their lover money and perhaps other resources.
Another Part
They might have also said that they have only seen pictures of this person and not seen them on video call. Apart from the messages and calls that they have had, then, they won’t know for certain that who they are talking to is who they are actually talking to.
As for how they met them, they might have met them via a dating app, or a social media site or this person might have contacted them directly. Now, as strange as everything will sound, their friend or family member could be convinced that they are in a real relationship.
Looking Ahead
Not only this, but they could also have spoken about what will happen when their lover shows up. They might have talked about how they will get married and/or move to another country, for instance.
Either way, once this man or woman shows up, their life will end up going down a very different path. Naturally, as they expect that so much will happen, it is to be expected that they will be excited and full of hope.
External Feedback
If one were to talk to their friend or family member about what is going through their mind, what they say might not be heard. For example, what they say could be dismissed and they could even be accused of being negative or jealous.
This could be something that takes place not once but on a number of different occasions. After this, they could wonder why they are unable to get through to their friend or family member and why they are unable to see clearly.
One outcome
What could end up taking place, as a result of their continued failed attempts to get through to them, is that they could stop talking to them. They could make it clear that they are not completely turning their back on them but that they are not willing to support what they are doing.
Interestingly, they might not be the only ones who do this, as many of the other people in their life, after trying to through to them for however long, might also pull away. If so, their friend or family member will become very isolated.
What’s going on?
At this point, it can seem strange as to why this friend or family member wouldn’t be able to face reality. If they have sent their online lover a lot of money over the months or years and have not even seen them via a video call, they should be suspicious.
Moreover, if they are in a position, or soon will be, where they are unable to pay their bills thanks to the money that they have given away, they should start to experience a lot of doubt. Ultimately, there will be an increasing amount of evidence that shows that they are being deceived.
Blocked out
Most likely, there is a part of them that is full of doubt but this part of them is dominated by another, bigger part of them that isn’t. Therefore, it will be a part of them that is stopping them from being able to face reality.
It is then not that they are simply being deceived; they will also be deceiving themselves. This big question is: why do they have such a strong need to deceive themselves?
Going Deeper
To understand why this might be, it will be necessary to look into how they might have felt before they started speaking to their online lover. Before this, they might have felt lonely, unloved, worthless and helpless.
So, when this person appeared, who is likely to have showered them with ‘love’ very early on, they are likely to have gone from feeling empty, to feeling whole. To use an analogy, in one moment, they would have been out in the cold, and, in another, they would have been in the warm.
A Lot to lose
Taking this into account, and assuming that this is accurate, if they were to face reality, they would end up being cast right back out into the cold. They would soon feel lonely, unloved, worthless and helpless.
Furthermore, they would have to face up to how much money they have lost and even all the people in their life who they have pushed away. Keeping the fantasy in place, the fantasy that they will meet their online lover sooner or later, will allow them to avoid reality and the pain that goes with it.
Time Is Running out
The trouble, of course, is that if they need to keep sending money to keep this fantasy alive, there will come a time when it will fall apart. They will then not only be in a lot of pain but they won’t have any money left.
Their brain will have blocked out reality to help stop them from being overwhelmed with pain and allow them to keep it together and function. What this illustrates is how their brain, like everyone else’s, is not designed to make sure that they are able to face reality and see what is or isn’t true; it is designed to keep them alive.
Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
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