Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can False Hope Cause A Woman To Stay With A Mother-Enmeshed Man?

After a woman has come to see that she is with a man who is overly focused on his mother, she could take the time to think about what she needs to do next. This may also involve her talking to a few of her friends about what is going on.

Either way, before long, she could share her thoughts with the man that she is with and this could be a time when she is able to make headway. He could not only listen to what she has to say but make it clear that what she says is accurate.

A Positive Sign

This is not to say that this will be a conversation that is completely smooth and harmonious. However, it will be a conversation where reality is faced, progress is made and perhaps a path forward is partially laid out.

For example, he could say that he is willing to reach out for the help that he needs to gradually change his life. Furthermore, he could say that he wants their relationship to work.

The Next Stage

And, before long, this could reach out for support, with it being clear that he is committed to working on himself and their relationship. So, as the weeks and months pass, his behaviour is likely to change.

What the woman may find, at this point, is that there are issues that she needs to face and heal within herself. As, although she will want him to change, there can be parts of her that are comfortable with how things were before.

Another Scenario

Then again, after speaking to him about what is going on, she might not be able to make much progress. He could deny what she says and make out that she is the one with the problem.

Or, he could agree with what she says and say that he will change, but that could be about as far as it will go. At this point, she could believe that he could stay this way forever and that it is best for her to cut her ties with him.

It Makes Sense

Yet, if he is in denial or is not fully in denial but is not willing to do what he needs to do to change, why would she stay with him? After all, it’s not as though she is going to live forever; she only has so long on this planet.

With this in mind, it will be a good idea for her to move on and find a man who is living his own life and is emotionally available. Due to the attachment that she has formed to him and any unresolved inner wounds that might be unlocked, it can be tough for her to move on.

The Bigger Picture

If it is difficult for her to walk away, even though she knows, deep down that it is for the best, she might need to reach out for external support. Her future self will be grateful for the steps that she takes.

The truth is that she deserves to be with a man who is available, but, in order for her to experience this, she might have a fair amount of work to do on herself. This can certainly be the case if she has been in this position before.

Another Direction

Conversely, and assuming that he is, at the very least, able to acknowledge what is going on but that is as far as it goes, she could stay with him. Deep down, she can believe that, sooner or later, he will change his behaviour.

What can help to keep this belief in place is that he could often say that he will change. Thanks to what he says, then, she will live in the hope that he won’t stay this way forever and that it is only a matter of time before they will have a relationship that is very different.

A Mismatch

If she were to talk to a friend about what is going on for her, they could wonder why she is unable to face reality. They could see that not only is the man that she is within in denial, but that she is also in denial.

Apart from what he has said, he won’t have behaved in a way that suggests that he will ever change. If words were the only thing that matter, it would be different, but it is, of course, actions that matter.

What’s going on?

If she were able to take a step back at this point and see that she is not facing reality, she can wonder why she is this way. She might even believe that there is something wrong with her.

Nonetheless, there is a chance that her inability to face up to what someone is like first started during her formative years. This may have been a time when she was greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

A Brutal Time

The reason for this is that her mother and father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. But, as she was powerless and totally dependent, she wouldn’t have been able to change them or find another family.

Therefore, to handle what was going on, her brain would have repressed how she felt and a number of her needs. Another part of this is that she would have blocked out reality and what her parents were actually like, with her seeing them as good and herself as bad.

Self-Protection

This is because, as she was egocentric, she would have personalised what took place and seen herself as the problem. As a result of this, she would have believed that, if she tried hard enough, her needs would be met and she would be loved.

The hope that she had at this stage of her life was futile but it played a big part in what allowed her to survive. This stage of her life will be over but, deep down, she will still be living in the hope that the love that she missed out on will be given to her.

Frozen In Time

This other part of her has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it is unable to accept that, as this stage of her life is over, it is too late for her to receive what she missed out on and that a man is not her mother or father. This part will also influence how she perceives a man.

Considering this, as destructive as her false hope will be, it will prevent her from coming into contact with the pain and unmet developmental needs that she had to repress all those years ago. For her to face reality, she will need to face and work through this pain and experience her unmet developmental needs.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.