Mother-Enmeshed Men: Why Would A Woman Who Has It All Together End Up With Mother-Enmeshed Men?

If a woman is in a good position in life and she has been with a number of men who are overly focused on their mother, she can be well and truly fed up. But, as she will be a woman who has continually ended up with men that are more like boys, this is to be expected.

This area of her life is not going to make any sense and she could wonder if it will ever change. She might even believe that she only has two choices; to either stay single or end up with a man who can’t truly be there for her.

External Feedback

She might not be the only one who is confused about what is going on as the people in her life could be just as confused. They could often tell her that she is a catch and that she deserves to be with a man who can be there for her.

Additionally, these people might have often said that she is simply unlucky and that, sooner or later, this area of her life will change. However, if this is something that she has been told for a little while, she could wonder when her life will finally change.

Her Life

When it comes to what her life is like, she might have her own home, a successful career and be doing well financially. Also, she might have left home at a relatively young age and if she does see her parent or parents, she might have no trouble standing her ground.

Based on this, it could be said that she will not only look like an adult but she will act like one and this is why she will want to be with another adult. She will be too old to play games and waste her precious time.

A Different Story

When it comes to the men that she has been with, though, they will have looked like men but they will have acted more like boys. This may have meant that most if not all of the men that she has been with didn’t own their own home, have much of a career, or been in a good place financially.

But, even if they were not in this position, their life will have revolved around their mother and pleasing her would have been their priority. It will then have been as though the men were extensions of their mothers as opposed to individuals who had their own needs and feelings.

Very Different

Taking this into account, it will be clear that she is very different to the men that she has been with. However, while it may appear as though they don’t have anything in common, this might not actually be the case.

Still, if she was to hear this, she could find it hard to believe and end up dismissing what is said. She could say that it is pretty clear that she is far more developed than the men that she has been with.

Going Deeper

On one level, there is no denying that she is more developed than the men that she has been with. Nevertheless, when it comes to another level, she might have a lot in common with them.

What this comes down to is that there is what is going on for her at a conscious level and what is going on for her at an unconscious level. What is taking place for her at an unconscious level will have an impact on the men that she is attracted to and attracts.

The Mirror

In other words, she is not merely a passive observer of reality; she is both an observer and a co-creator of her life. The trouble is that as her external reality will reflect parts of her that she is not aware of, she won’t have been able to join the dots, so to speak.

When it comes to her unconscious mind, this part of her will hold painful feelings, unmet developmental needs and rejected parts of her. This inner material will relate to what has taken place for her as an adult and a child.

A Closer Look

So, as she has continually ended up with men who are underdeveloped, it probably shows that they are mirroring back parts of herself that are underdeveloped. Yet, as these parts of her will be repressed, and, thus, outside of her conscious awareness, this won’t have stood out.

The men that she has attracted are likely to have been deprived of the love that they needed during their formative years, which would have stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way. In the same way, she is also likely to have been deprived during her formative years.

The Difference

These men might have been deprived at an early stage of their development and/or simply responded differently to what took place. Unlike these men, then, she might have rejected her need for others and become very independent.

If this is so, she would have gone her own way and ended up using her pain of being deprived as motivation to build up her own life. But, as developed as she will be in some areas be, she will also carry wounded child parts.

Wounds to Heal

If she reconnects to these rejected parts of herself and allows herself to feel the pain and express the needs that were not met, she will gradually become more integrated. And, as this takes place, her outer world will change.
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Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.