Mother Wounds: Can A Man Carry A Lot Of Hurt If He Had An Emotionally Unavailable Mother?

What can be normal is for a man to be out of touch with how he feels and to be in a collapsed physical state. Due to this, he can typically go through the motions in life, not feeling alive or as though his life has much meaning.

But, if he has been this way for a very long time, he might not realise that he doesn’t have a strong connection with his feelings or that he is generally in a low place. Yet, if this is just what is normal, why would it stand out?

One Area

When it comes to what he does for a living, then, he could do something that may simply pay the bills. If so, it is not going to be something that he finds fulfilling and he might have been doing the same thing for many, many years.

One he is at work, he could hope the day passes as quickly as possible and dread having to go back the next day. Although he will probably look forward to the weekend, he is likely to know that it won’t be long until another week begins.

Another

As for his relationships, he might not have any close friends, with the people in his life being more like associates. If this is the case, he is likely to have a very lonely existence.

The people in his life might not treat him very well either, and he might often be walked over and taken advantage of. This can show that he doesn’t have a strong backbone and value himself.

One More

If he is in a romantic relationship, he could be with a woman that is not overly present and doesn’t treat him very well. Still, if the relationship came to an end, he could end up being in a bad way.

At the same time, he might not be in a relationship but may have still suffered when his last relationship came to an end. That is, of course, if he has been in at least one relationship.

A Strange Scenario

If he was to take a step back and reflect on this life, he might end up wondering why he doesn’t have a good connection with his feelings, spends so much time in a low state, lacks backbone and doesn’t value himself. He may find that he has been this way for as long as he can remember.

This will be why it has taken him however long to be able to acknowledge how he experiences life. At this point, he could be sick and tired of merely existing and want to live a life that is worth living.

Going Deeper

He may experience life in this way due to what took place during his formative years, with this being a time when he was deprived of the love that he needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. His mother may have largely been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for him.

Along with this, she may have been physically and verbally abusive and often left him. As for his father, he might not have been around or he might have also been emotionally unavailable and abusive.

The Outcome

As a result, he would have seldom if ever been seen by his mother and provided with the attunement and warmth that he needed. Thanks to this, he would have often felt ignored, unwanted, worthless and unloved.

But, as he was powerless and totally dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. Not only this, he would have personalised what took place as he was egocentric at this stage of his life.

Deeply Wounded

Naturally, in addition to being deprived of what he needed, he would have experience a lot of pain. This pain, and his developmental needs, would have ended up being repressed by his brain.

Consequently, he would have gone into a shut down state and disconnected from himself, developing a false self in the process. He would then have continued to be hurt but he wouldn’t have been aware of it.

A Build Up

Many, many layers of pain will have ended up building up inside him and, now that he is an adult, he will continue to carry most if not all of this pain. If he was to get back into his body and reconnect to how he feels, he could come into contact with a lot of anger and rage, hopelessness and helplessness, and a lot of hurt.

To put the past behind him, he will most likely need to face and work through this pain. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.