Belonging: Can Early Deprivation Stop Someone From Developing A Felt Sense Of Belonging?

If someone was to step back and reflect on their life, what might soon enter their mind is that they often feel unwelcome and as though they don’t deserve to be somewhere. This could be something that they experience when they are at work, with friends and even with family.

Due to this, they could often feel edgy and find it hard to relax around others. At times, though, they might suppress what is going on for them and be able to carry on as normal.

One Consequence

By being this way, they could have the tendency to work really hard and rarely give themselves the time to take it easy. Deep down, they can believe that if they don’t behave in this way, they will no longer receive what they need.

In other words, they will constantly need to earn their right to be here and this is why they can’t take their foot off the gas, so to speak. They are then not going to be stuck on a treadmill that they can’t step off, but, based on how they live their life, they will be.

Another Area

If they are in an intimate relationship, they could often bend over backwards to please their partner, losing themselves in the process. This could be seen as their only way to keep them around.

They won’t feel that they are worthy of being in a relationship, and this is why they won’t be able to settle down and be themselves. It can be as if they have been able to manipulate their way into one and, at any moment, they will lose what they don’t deserve.

One More

When it comes to where they live, they could live somewhere that is uplifting or it could be somewhere that drains them. But, regardless of what it is like, they probably won’t truly be able to truly take in where they live.

If they live somewhere that is uplifting, they could often worry that they will soon have to find somewhere else to live. And, if they live somewhere that isn’t, they could see this as their only option.

A Battle

If they have been able to step back, they could wonder what is going on. When they think about how they often feel, they could find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

To use an analogy: it will be like they are standing in front of a buffet and are free to take whatever it is that they desire. But, while other people are helping themselves, they don’t feel worthy of being in the restaurant, let alone helping themselves to whatever food they desire.

A Struggle

As a result of this, they are going to be like an intruder who has broken into a house and has no right to be there. Unlike others, then, who have the right to be on this earth and belong here, they are not going to be in the same position.

Now, if this is how they have experienced life for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way.

Way Back

Throughout their formative years, they might have been treated as though they were unwanted, worthless, and unlovable and had no right to exist. This could show that they were often physically harmed, verbally put down, ignored and neglected.

Their time in their mother’s womb might have been just as cold and unwelcoming. But, if that earlier experience is put to one side, how they were treated from the moment they were born, and for a number of years after, would have defined how they saw themselves and how they expected the world to respond to them.

Wide open

As they were egocentric at this stage, what took place would have been personalised. In reality, how they were treated was most likely a reflection of what was going on for their parent or parents’ and anyone else who was around at this stage of their life.

There is a strong chance that the person or people who were unable to make them feel welcome and wanted were made to feel the same way when they were growing up. Said another way, they were passing on what was done to them as they were unaware of and, therefore, unable, to deal with their own wounds.

The Truth

Ultimately, they have the right to be here and belong on this earth but, for them to know this at the core of their being; they will probably have emotional wounds to work through. By facing the feelings that they felt and were soon repressed all those years ago, they will gradually feel different.

They are then consciously feeling the feelings on the ‘negative’ side of the emotional spectrum to be able to naturally feel the feelings on the ‘positive’ side of it. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.