Being Seen: Can Someone Have The Need To Stay In The Background If They Had A Verbally Abusive Parent?

If someone was to watch a film, they might soon find that there is the main actor and then there are a number of supporting actors. Once the film has come to an end, what may stand out, if they were to reflect on their own life, is that they have a lot in common with a supporting actor.

The reason for this is that their life might not be overly fulfilling and they could have friends who live a life that is very different. Whenever they talk to one of their friends, they could hear about all the interesting things that they have been doing whilst wondering what they themselves have been doing.

Another Part

Now, when they are around a friend, this could be a time when they do a lot of listening and not a great deal of talking. Due to this, it will be as though this friend is on a stage and they are part of the audience.

Furthermore, if they were to go to a party or to an event with them, they could often be just behind them and their friend could do most of the talking. Their friend will then be supported by them, just as a supporting actor will support the main actor.
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Another Area

When they are at work, it might not be much different, with them being on the sidelines. As a result of this, they might rarely if ever receive the credit that they deserve and other people could often be praised for what they themselves have contributed.

They might have passed over a number of promotions, too, with them preferring to stay at their current position. If they had gone to the next level, so to speak, they might have had to be the centre of attention at times.

How It Should Be

Ultimately, they are not on this planet to simply make up the numbers; they are here to live a fulfilling life. That is not to say that they should always be the centre of attention but what it does mean is that they should be the leading actor in their own life.

This is then not about them overshadowing any else; it is about them freely expressing who they are. As things stand, this is seldom going to take place, which is why they are suffering.

A Bleak Existence

If they have been able to step back and reflect on their life, they could wonder why their life is this way. They could spend a lot of time feeling invisible and as though they don’t even exist.

Along with this, they could often feel angry, frustrated and totally powerless. A big part of them could have a strong need to be seen and heard and to no longer be on the sidelines.

What’s going on?

They might see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. If so, when they were at college and/or university - that’s if they went - and when they were at school, it wouldn’t have been much different.

Thanks to this, they could believe that they were simply born this way and there is very little that they can do about it. However, there is a strong chance that they were not born this way and that what took place during their formative years played a big part.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of their life, they may have had at least one parent who was verbally abusive. Being put down, criticised, humiliated and made fun of would then have been a normal part of their life.

Additionally, this parent may have had the need to be the centre of attention and done most of the talking. Consequently, they would have ended up withdrawing and had the need to be on the sidelines to protect themselves.

The Association

Being seen would have been seen as something that would cause them to experience pain, not pleasure. And, as this parent typically took over, they would have soon given up trying to receive attention and be heard.

Being seen would have been the equivalent of being a human target as opposed to something that would allow them to fulfil a number of their needs. As for receiving attention, and being heard, this would have been a waste of time.

It’s over

What took place will be in the past but they will still carry the associations that they formed and the pain that they automatically repressed. For them to no longer be the supporting actor in their own life, they will most likely need to face and work through this pain and express their unmet developmental needs.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.