Adult Self: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Outsource Their Adult Self?

Even though someone is an adult, it doesn’t mean that they will act like one. The reason for this is that, in general, they could look towards others to make decisions for them, to stand up for them and for guidance about how to live their life.

Based on this, when it comes to how they typically behave, they are going to be more like a child and a number of the people in their life will be parental figures. If this is how their life has been for quite some time, they are unlikely to be consciously aware of what is going on.

Two Levels

Even if there are moments when they feel fed up, deep down, behaving in this way is likely to be what feels comfortable. If there are moments when they are not happy with how their life is, this could be a time when they will also feel frustrated and trapped.

It could be as though some of the people in their life are in control of them and there is very little that they can do. Like a child who needs their parents’ permission to do anything, they can have a very similar experience.

Too Much To Handle

At times, they could imagine what it would be like for them to generally make their own decisions, stand their ground and listen to their own guidance, and thus, live their own life. But, while this could be a time when they feel good, it could also be a time when they soon start to feel uncomfortable.

If they were to stay with this discomfort and go deeper, they could end up experiencing a lot of fear. It might seem as if their life is going to come to an end and there is absolutely nothing that they can do.

Stepping Back

After perhaps suffering for many, many years, something could happen that will cause them to question why their life is the way that it is. They could wonder why they feel like a child and see certain people as their parents.

It will be clear that living in this way is not allowing them to express who they are and, as a result, live a life that is worth living. Yet, as bleak as their life will be, they might not be able to see a way forward.

Weighed Down

If this is the case, they could feel very low and even deeply depressed. However, as they won’t be living a fulfilling life and they will feel hopeless and helpless, how else would they be?

Ultimately, there is going to be a reason why they are this way and there will be a great deal that they can do to gradually move forward. When it comes to why their life is this way, it is likely to be due to what took place during their formative years.

A Closer Look

Throughout this stage of their life, they might not have received what they needed in order to grow and develop in the right way. Thanks to this, they were unable to go through each development stage and grow into a strong and capable adult.

This is then why they will look like an adult but feel like a child who needs other people to look after them. It then won’t be that there is anything inherently wrong with them; no, it will be that they missed out on so much.

For Example

They may have often been left and experienced different kinds of abuse, which would have deeply traumatised them. Both being left and mistreated would have deprived them of the nutrients that they needed.

So, one or both of their parents may have been controlling and tried to manage their whole life. What this would have done is separated them from their own inner voice and filled them with doubt and prevented them from developing confidence in their own ability to make the right decisions.

A Continuation

With this understanding in place, how they behave as an adult will start to make complete sense. They won’t have received the love or the guidance that they needed to move through this development stage of their life.

For them to move forward, they will need to work through the trauma inside them, reconnect to themselves, develop self-trust and develop their self-expression muscle. By doing this, they will be able to start making decisions, standing their ground and listening to their own inner guidance.
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Trial and Error

This will be a time when they will make a number of mistakes and this is simply part of the process. Making mistakes doesn’t mean that they are doing anything wrong; it just means that they are learning what is and what isn’t right for them.

As they continue to try different things and make mistakes, they will get better at knowing what is and what isn’t right for them. This is why it has been said that if someone wants to be successful, they need to fail faster.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.