Father Wounds: Can A Man Be Domesticated If He Had An Abusive Father?

In the same way that an animal can be someone’s pet, a man can be in a very similar position. He will then, like the animal, be just about out of touch with his instincts and it won’t be difficult to control him.

The difference is that while the animal will primarily be controlled at home, the man can be controlled in both the home and the outside world. When he is at home, he can be controlled by his partner or his friend/s, or whoever he lives with.

An Object

Once he has left this environment and goes into the real world, he can end up being controlled by his boss and colleagues. On top of all this can be the control that the government exerts on him.

As to who he will have control over, he may have a dog or cat but even if he has a cat, he probably won’t have much control over it. If anything, this could be seen as an animal that will have a greater level of freedom and self-expression than him.

A Different Being

Unlike a dog, this kind of animal won’t be totally domesticated and unable to fend for themselves. So, if he was to leave his cat, assuming he has one, for a few days, it would most likely be able to find something else to eat.

That is providing that this cat is free to go out into the outside world. If he had to rely on his hunting abilities when it came to finding something to eat, he probably wouldn’t last for very long.

A Short Period of Time

However, although a dog, for instance, will have more or less been born domesticated, the same can’t be said about the man. This is not to say that he won’t have been born into a family or even a society that that was full of people who weren’t domesticated.

Even so, the fact that he is as subdued as he is shows that there must have been at least one person in his family of origin who wasn’t. Most likely, during his early years, this person, and with the help of society as time went by, would have played a part in removing his wildman aspect or energy.

An Unconscious process

This doesn’t mean that this person consciously chose to strip the man of the part of him that would allow him to own himself, to feel alive, express himself freely and to protect himself. What would fuel this part of him would be his aggression/fight instinct.

Therefore, with this part of his being out of the way, he is like a male dog that has been castrated. He will then look like a man and will be like many other men, men who have also been castrated, but he won’t have access to the oomph that many of his ancestors would have had access to.

A Destructive Impact

But, even though this person might not have consciously chosen to do this, this is what would have taken place anyway. When it comes to who this person was, this may have been his father.

It was then not someone who he saw in the outside world from time to time who undermined him (although this may have also happened); no, it was the person who he saw every day at home who did. His father may have abused him in a number of different ways; there could have been physical, verbal and emotional abuse.

No Choice

As he was powerless and totally dependent during his early years, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. His only option was to disconnect from himself and tolerate it.

Interestingly, his father might not have been in control of himself either, as his partner/wife may have totally dominated him. He was then a domesticated man and how he treated his son may have allowed him to release some of the tension that had built up from being mistreated by his partner//wife - his son’s mother.

An Inversion

What this is likely to show is that his father and perhaps his mother were more concerned with their own needs. So, through having a son who showed strength and masculinity, one or both of his parents felt threatened.

Wounds, most of which probably went back to their early years, would have been stopped from fully entering their conscious awareness by essentially beating the aggression/fight instinct out of their son. By beating this side out of him, they ended up with a very docile version of him and were able to mould him into who they wanted him to be.

History Repeats Itself

His parents probably went through a very similar process during their early years by parents who were just as if not more damaged. Thanks to being in a position of power, they were able to experience indirect revenge.

Through being oblivious to their own pain - what actually motivated their behaviour - they may have rationalised their abuse as being for his own good and providing him with ‘discipline’. In reality, being given the love, support and guidance that he needed to be able to stay connected to and, as a result of this, integrate his inner fire, would have been for his own good.

Awareness

Thanks to their own inability to deal with their own wounds and continuing a pattern of abuse that probably goes back many, many generations, their son was not prepared for the real world. Instead, he was greatly diminished and set up to be endlessly victimised by others.

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.