With Instagram full of stories about abusive marriages, talk shows on cheating husbands and wives, or friends’ and even your own stories proving that relationships do not often rhyme with happiness, we start treating love more as a potential threat, rather than a source of inspiration and joyful emotions. But is everything really so sad or is it just our brain and subconsciousness that make us see everything in dark colours?
Fostered fear of failing to meet the expectations
The fear of not being able to live up to the hopes of another person seems to paralyze us completely sometimes, and the only thought we’ve got on our mind all the time is: what if he gets disappointed in me?
At such moments the imposed ambitions force us to experience an acute sense of guilt and shame as well.This stops us from adequate perception of the situation and reduces our self-esteem. There is a constant belief inside that people expect more from us.
Where does it come from? Ever since childhood we hear from our parents endless comparisons with more successful classmates and frequent criticism in our address. All this gradually forms in us the fear of this punishment even before we take any action.
We skip the lesson so as not to receive a F and not be ridiculed in the classroom and at home, and we also “skip” our relationship, imagining that only the partner's dissatisfaction with us awaits in further. However, such convictions are very dangerous and even harmful for our psyche. And sometimes all it takes is just to visit any dating website like https://meetville.com/catalog/us/page/4226-black-lesbian and see that with thousands of people willing to accept you as you are, such fear is irrational and is simply a useless ballast.
Past experience
One of the main reasons why people don’t rush into any romantic relationships is the painful experience of their first or simply previous relationship.
From adolescence, we take out the stereotypical idea of the only true love, however, more often than not, such relationships turn out to be painful and end. But in most cases it happens just because we were simply too young, and were growing up, forming our values and were changing greatly as well.
But as we thought that love is supposed to be one and for life, such break-ups destroy our naive beliefs and greatly influence our future. Maybe If in youth we were told how to behave in them, if young people were explained that what is gone is no longer ours, it would be much easier for us in adulthood.
The unknown and unfamiliar
Another person is always an unknown universe. Entering into a new relationship, we begin the path into the unfamiliar, and it is human nature to be afraid of the new. Allowing yourself to love means taking real risks. We trust the one we love, emotionally depend on him, and this makes us vulnerable.
Reluctance to open up
A person might also be afraid of entering into new romantic relationships as there is always the need for a certain kind of opening-up and sharing all sides of the personality with someone new. This makes him afraid of seeming awkward, funny, naive, vulnerable, or helpless. And, as a result, such a person remains alone in his safety bubble and doesn’t let anyone inside.
In this case a nice idea would be to try to train your sociability by expanding the circle of your communication. Today you can pick any dating site, like https://meetville.com/catalog/us/page/427-old-rich/woman, download an app, or even try random chatting with strangers online, and you’ll most likely see that the world is full of welcoming people with their own fears, doubts and insecurities.
I am Saim Khan Founder of Linkerbuzz.com