How can I resolve my deep seething emotions and anger against people who have wronged me in the past?

The Infinite Energies within us are Obstructed by Anger
Energy abounds like the Niagara Falls in every human being. There is unlimited energy that flows within. But when one gets irritated or angry, the torrent of infinite energy stops. As long as one does not become angry, the torrent of energy continues.

Anger exists where there is a violent intent and a link of grudge.

Anger is always associated with a violent intent and with an ongoing link of grudge. Anger is an open weakness. This weakness hurts our own Self. Anger is a live fire. The fire of anger burns one’s own self first, and then others. One continues to feel the heat himself, and soon others around him too feel the effect of that heat. The damage may or may not be visible on the outside, but everything from within is destroyed. The link of grudge in anger is such that if someone has harmed you fifteen years ago, the moment you encounter him again today, you will remember everything of the past how he had ruined you.

Anger takes place when one’s vision (Darshan) becomes obscured, and his knowledge (Gnan) is obstructed. The same happens when a person is overcome with pride or greed. Therefore, today, let’s take the help of the enlightened vision and see how our deep-seething emotions and anger can be resolved so that the infinite energy that lies obstructed within, releases...

How to resolve deep-seething emotions and anger against people who have wronged us in past?
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan lovingly asks us, “Do you want to be rid of your weaknesses? Tell me what you want to get rid of. Make a list. Are you bound by anger, pride, deceit and greed? People say they want to stop their anger. One cannot stop it immediately. Firstly, one must recognize what anger is and the causes behind it. How is it born and who are its parents? All this has to be determined even before anger is understood. You do become emotional, don’t you? Should you not stay in motion (steady and calm)?”

The Intellect Makes One Emotional And Gnan (Knowledge) Keeps One Calm
He explains, “What would happen if a train running smoothly becomes emotional? If it does not stay upright on the track, there will be an accident. Similarly, when a man becomes emotional, so many living organisms within him are killed. The moment anger arises, millions of lives are destroyed, but even then people maintain that they practice non-violence. People need to be aware that they are doing great violence when they become emotional and get angry.”

If One Fails to Understand Anger and Tries to Suppress it, He may be Suppressing Peace Instead
When one claims to have conquered anger, his pride increases. In reality, anger has not been completely conquered, but perhaps one can say that he has conquered the visible anger, discord.

So, Dadashri further elaborates, “There are four monsters within: Anger, pride, deceit and greed!
When one tries to suppress anger to make it smaller, on the other hand their pride becomes bigger. What benefit you got in this? The monster (kashay) of pride increased. This is what happens when people try to suppress one particular kashay (eg. anger). One does not have to do that. One needs to understand what anger is.

Anger Itself Is The Ego
One has to understand that anger is ego. Analyze the kind of ego that causes the anger. Eg. If we got angry when something broke, we have to question why the anger occured. The answer would be that the breakage means a loss. It is because of the loss that we feel angry. It is one kind of ego that tells us that we have incurred a loss from the breakage; this ego is that of profit and loss. Next, we think about how we will go about destroying this kind of ego, or else by harbouring the ego, the anger will continue.

We say, “I know that it is wrong to become angry, yet I become angry. What is the solution?”
Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan explains, “Who is it that knows? If you had the real knowledge just once, there would be no anger. But since you still become angry, it means that you do not know. This is ego saying that you know. It is like this: The one who is angry is not aware of the anger. The one who is greedy is not aware of his greed and the one who is arrogant is not aware of his pride. The knower is completely separate from all these weaknesses. When you know who the knower is, there would be no anger.

Suppose there are two identical bottles standing side by side. And you are told that one has medicine in it and the other has poison in it. Now if you mistake one for the other, then you can conclude that you did not know. Only if you do not mistake one for the other, we can say that you know. The same applies to anger as well. The reason you become angry is because you do not know. You are merely going around with an ego, when you say that you know.

In darkness you are likely to bump into things, but when there is light and you can see clearly, you will not have any accidents. When we confuse the darkness with light, it is our own mistake. So come, sit in satsang with me and acquire the real knowledge. Then only will anger, pride, deceit and greed go away... If you try to get rid of these weaknesses of anger-pride-deceit-greed on your own, they will not go away. On the contrary, two more will sneak in. Therefore, if you go to the One whose own weaknesses have gone away, the Gnani Purush, then you will find the solution.”

How long this world of anger, pride, deceit and greed can last?
The kashays (anger-pride-deceit-greed) will continue to remain in us as long as we believe; ‘I am Chandulal (please insert your own name here) and I am like this only’; as long as this ignorance of the Self is there. But when one attains the awareness of, ‘I am a Pure Soul and my function is only to see and know’, one comes in the state of the real Self. Then, the sense or the belief of ‘I am Chandulal’ breaks; and alongwith it, the kashays i.e. anger, pride, deceit and greed are destroyed.

Without this awareness, our efforts to remove anger or any other kashay will in fact perpetuate them. When we try to destroy one, the other one will increase. But where there is the presence of Gnan (the knowledge of the Self), even if people have wronged us in the past, or we are presently surrounded by an environment that propels kashay, we are able to remain in absolute equanimity. That’s when it is called real Gnan. This is how Gnan (the real knowledge of the Self) is; we will not become emotional; rather we can maintain equanimity in any situation easily.

To know more: https://www.dadabhagwan.org/path-to-happiness/self-help/anger-management/