Dear Dr. Romance:
I wanted to get your reaction to something; what would it mean to you if someone said to you "So maybe I quit on our relationship." Yes my wife said this to me right before I left on deployment and I have been having a hard time dealing with it.
When I came home for R+R leave she admitted that she had quit but blamed on the fact that she didn't feel like I had shown her love by complimenting her enough. She has developed a real insecure streak and I have to tell her how good she looks all the time or she starts yelling at me.
I don't know where this all comes from and I have a real question in my mind, if a person can quit on me once can I trust them not to do it again?
Dear Reader:
You two seem to focus on frightening each other. I know the separation is hard, and that probably adds to your own and your wife's insecurity. What you need to focus on is making your relationship as loving and enjoyable as possible. Stop worrying about her "quitting" on you. She got discouraged, but she's doing better now. Focus on telling her you love her, and asking her to tell you the same. "How to Be Irresistible to Your Mate" will help you add more reassurance and sweetness to your marriage, and "Stop Reacting and Start Relating" will help both of you stop scaring each other. How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together will help both of you learn needed relationship skills.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.