From my work with couples in this area, I have found some clear answers to the question, what are the most important things your man wants from you sexually.
In my private practice, I’ve been helping couples rekindle passion and keep it alive. I’ve been doing this for over 30 years with great success with thousands of couples which has given me the ability to come up with this top list of the three most important things your man wants from you sexually.
Next week I will reverse this and talk about what I have discovered in my working with women the most important things a woman wants sexually from their man.
Here are my findings regarding the three most important things your man wants from you sexually starting with the third most important thing a man wants from you.
#3- He wants you as his partner to accept his sexual preferences and desires.
He wants to be free to share his fantasies and for you to not only accept the fantasy but incorporate the fantasy into your sex life. There is a deeper non-sexual aspect to this and that is that men want to feel acceptable to their partner in all ways.
This is especially true in the intimacy of the couples sexuality. He will be overjoyed if you allow him to express even the more taboo aspects of his desires.
In the healthiest of relationships, a man is able to fully express how he wants his partner to be dressing, what different positions they might entertain, where they might have sex other than the bedroom, role-playing including power dynamics such as submissiveness and dominance or whatever else fuels his desire.
# 2- He wants you to demonstrate that you value your intimate time together by setting aside time and energy for your intimate love life.
He needs to do the same and it is not only up to you to make this happen.
I am just saying that one of the things that really fulfills a man is when he notices his partner dedicating the time and energy to their sexuality.
It is quite the turn-on for a man when his partner is initiating sex as well and that it’s not only up to him to get their sex life revved up.
Sending texts during the work day to your man such as this: “Hi, sweetie, I hope you are looking forward to some sexy time with me tonight,” will be powerfully titillating to him.
By doing this he knows that you are thinking about him and making sex a priority.
# 1- You get into the sex!
I have too often heard women say that they have sex just to satisfy the man.
There has been a lot of cultural evolution recently that acknowledges the importance of the sexual needs of women.
However in many sexual relationships there still is a dynamic where it is about meeting the husband’s needs. That is of course important but just as importantly, it is important to meet the woman’s needs.
I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard men say, “It’s a turn off because she seems to look at having sex with me as a chore.”
On the other hand I’ve heard many men say how much they get turned on when their female partner expresses clear signs of sexual enjoyment. As much as Sex is about giving and meeting the needs of the other, it is also important to be selfish in the sense of looking at sex as the source of pleasure for each person.
When a man experiences himself as a pleasure source for his woman, that is very arousing. So that is my number one!
I do not believe for a moment that this is an exhaustive list of what most important things your man wants from you sexually, nor would I be naive to think that this is true for every man.
I am just saying that from my extremely large sample of couples that I have seen, these are the top three most important things your man wants from you sexually.
I would love to hear comments and questions and points of agreement as well as disagreement on the most important things your man wants from you sexually.
I will be happy to respond to any and all comments.
Mr. Creager is educated and trained as a Marriage and Sex Therapist and spends much of his time helping partners in long-term relationships learn how to create passionate, alive and nourishing interactions. He provides unique and powerful insights that lead to powerful breakthroughs which result in his clients getting closer to realizing their full potential.
He founded his practice in 1982 in Tustin CA, and has since helped thousands of individuals and couples learn how to bring the best out of others to achieve their goals. The biggest joy in his career is witnessing clients increase their capacity to receive more from life as well as others.
He has developed the gift of helping couples and individuals move past their resistance to have the relationships and love they crave. His specialties include helping couples heal from infidelity, helping couples rekindle passion and helping individuals break free from their earlier toxic relationships and dysfunctional families. He does this in a variety ways including specialized programs that are powerful and effective as well as seminars, workshops, speaking and informational products.
Todd’s practice in Huntington Beach, CA has been helping couples and individuals all around Orange County including Long Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Corona del Mar and Seal Beach – for over 30 years!