Last issue covered Boundaries… A hugely important concept that we address in Element1-Context & Mindset, in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Boundary bridges show up everywhere in our life if we are attentive in making sure we lovingly hold our ground and take care of ourselves…
Boundary setting is about taking care of ourselves, our loved ones and creating the life and relationship(s) we want. It’s about setting a structure, a plan, a design that we love and flexibly sticking to it to make it a reality… You can learn more here: Mastering the Art of Setting Powerful Effective Boundaries & Getting Your Needs Met Every Time
Sometimes this is challenging to do when there aren’t clear preferences, expectations, definitions, understanding within and for ourselves, and with others… This is an issue for partners when they don’t explore and share how they want their joint life to be. When they don’t set clear roles, rules, responsibilities and the like. They might not have clear routines, habits, chores, workflow, budget, accounts, access, tools and resources, etc.
Also, partners might struggle getting on the same page due to different gender characteristics, personality, history, skills, culture and a host of other variables inherent in a romantic relationship. These impact communication style and tendencies which in turn impact how well the relationship operates and meets the partners’ needs…
Partners usually have different, and very commonly opposite communication styles. In a very crude nutshell, usually one prefers to talk and the other one doesn’t… The opposite styles can trigger the partners when their preferences are pursued against the other’s wishes…
If one wants to talk and the other doesn’t, the first partner might feel neglected, abandoned, rejected, unappreciated and the like. And, the second partner might feel suffocated, micromanaged, criticized, controlled and the like.
This can escalate into fights where the first becomes more aggressive and the second shuts down more and more, even leaves…
There are 4 characteristics to these styles that make them deadly for relationships (Why Marriages Succeed or Fail):
Criticism
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Contempt
Where Contempt is a strong predictor of future breakup/divorce! This is because it doesn’t just pick at the other and stops the flow of communication and connection like the others do. It degrades and feels so degrading that the damage is practically irrevocable…
It is paramount that we mind how we show up to interactions with our partner and don’t take for granted how we express ourselves… Become a strong monitor of your communication habits and proactively and swiftly address these today. Your relationship’s success literally depends on it!
Assignment: Become a detective and be on the lookout for any signs of Contempt in how you communicate and relate with your partner.
Clean up any of these habits immediately
Address any messages (impact) you might have inadvertently bestowed upon your partner…
Address the underlying need not being met that is driving this characteristic…
This Assignment is not for the faint of heart, and a lot is riding on this one. Be persistent in eradicating Contempt, and yet gentle with yourself so you can properly stay the course… Make this one really count!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Communicating!
P.S. If you need more support creating your successful and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, and discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!
~ Some Related Issues
How focusing can save your relationship
How to save your relationship
Are you controlling?
When your partner baits you
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs?
How to get more love from your partner
Yes, you can love too much…
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Resource yourself, uplevel your marriage
Enhance your life with better boundaries!
Learn to set healthy boundaries for relationship success
Do you need to mind your business?
~ Get the Snap Takeaways™ for this blog – (Stay Tuned)
~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!
Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!
Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected.