The way we live and see our lives is created out of the very beliefs we have about ourselves and the world...our perceptions. When we can truly understand this, we have the power to change our circumstances...and our lives.
Our unique belief systems our formed under the surface of what we are aware of or, in our “subconscious”. And they are operating whether you want them to be or not. When we are unaware of what thoughts and feelings are going on deep inside us, the more those thoughts and feelings and beliefs and all the “training” of our past, are running us along with our lives. Those thoughts, feelings and beliefs, are what create our very own reality. Or, our perception of that reality. Thus how we experience life.
Our subconscious world consists of what we don’t know. Our conscious world is what we do know. When we operate out of our subconscious we unknowingly seek out what is familiar to us instinctively based on ingrained patterns of behavior formed from our childhood and early life interactions and experiences. Knowing that, it is easy to see how if our belief system and mode of operation is shaped from external feedback from our early caregivers, we can assume those same “messages” can become our stories. In other words, how we were cared for, talked to, treated and supported in our earlier years, subconsciously sets the stage for what we perceive to be true about ourselves and how we should expect to be treated by everyone else in our life’s evolution. And this is again all on a subconscious level and is therefore neither deliberate nor are we even aware we do this.
To help you visualize the subconscious world and the conscious world, picture your entire self as the circle in a dartboard. The outer part of the circle beyond the 'bullseye', is what’s conscious, or what you know about yourself. What is in the ‘bullseye’ is where all the buried treasure is. And when you can really observe yourself and pay attention to what’s going on in THERE, you access this part of you and connect with your emotions and thoughts in your mind and feel them in your body which until then, were all the things you once took for granted. Unknowingly. When you study those things within the ‘bullseye’, your outer circle gets bigger. You grow aware that there is more to you than you knew and your perception of the world expands greatly. You then reclaim a part of yourself that was previously unreachable and unknown. When you can pay attention to your thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, triggers and feelings, you will become more consciously aware of the patterns that show up in your life.
Those very things ultimately create your habitual words and actions which in turn become the life you experience for yourself.
When you are able to bring up what’s buried deeply on your inside, you can choose how you want to be on the surface. You’ll realize why you keep ending up in the arms of the wrong person over and over again. You will be able to recognize that your subconscious is preventing you from really connecting to a partner because every time you get close to one, you feel scared and shut down.You may realize that your feelings are letting you know that you are afraid of intimacy. And only when we come to that realization can we accept the elephant in the room and find a way to free it for good.
Dominique Nicole is a Certified Divorce and Dating coach, two time divorce survivor and mother of four.