Tips to better Parenting through Divorce

Parenting is challenging no matter what the circumstances, we are often spread thin between work children and relationships. When you find your self in the midst of divorce it is often hard to keep yourself emotionally healthy non less trying to do that while being a good parent and helping your children also through the divorce process to your family’s new norm.
Here are some tips on how to navigate with your children through divorce.
• You set the tone often by how you tell your children, I am a big believer in being honest but not oversharing with small children, adult details. The most important part of sharing is making sure that your children understand that the divorce is in no way their fault and that both parents still love them unconditionally and will still both continue to be in their lives.

• Children often like to know on practical terms what divorce means for them, so be prepared to answer practical questions, like will we move to a new house, will we move schools etc. Often children like to know what change is coming so they mentally prepare for it.

• Remember there is no right or wrong reaction to telling your children, some may cry, some may ask questions, and some may say nothing. Every child will process things differently, just make sure you are calm, kind and patient in answering their queries.

• Take time to discuss and ask your children for input on anything that you have concerns about, as in, do you mind which school you attend? Or do you have a preference where the cat lives etc. Anything that a child has a say in can help them feel more in control of the situation.

• Once the children understand what divorce means for them, and seem to have accepted it, you can set about trying to involve them in making the changes that are coming. What color would they like their bedroom? What food do they want to help cook at the new home etc. Children can often surprise us by being excited at some of the new changes in our lives.

• Allow your children to be sad and also to see you sad, showing you are human and its ok to be sad or cry actually models healthy emotional behaviors to them, and as they see you gain strength find new happiness, you are showing them life does get better.

• When safe to allow your children as much access to the other parent as they need or ask for, on your weeks or week ends if your child wants to call the other parent and say good night, its ok remember going from living with 2 parents to 1 at a time takes adjustment and being flexible with your children’s needs can help calm their fears.

• Children are far more resilient than we give them credit for as long as they feel loved and heard they can flourish through any adversity even divorce.

• Allow your self to enjoy and take advantage of children free time. Parents are better parents when they take time for themselves and practice self-care and self-love. Ultimately children want both their parents to be happy.

• Feel free to date again but be sure the relationship you enter into is for the long haul, before introducing your children to a new partner.

• Seek help or support, divorce and being a single parent is really hard, and when you find divorce support with other divorcees and single parents it can often make a huge positive impact on your life and your children’s.

• Holidays can be hard so make sure that you are starting new traditions you and your children agree on, I know from personal experience that involving them in decision making for Christmas and birthdays really helped them embrace the change that they couldn’t control.

• Reassure your child often that you love them, that no matter how many other things in all your lives that have changed, you love for them will never alter. Sometimes children just need to hear it and hear it often.

• Practice gratitude with your children, help them see even from an early age that life is full of possibilities beauty and things to be grateful for, sadly there are usually always people worse off than us even in our dark hours. Practicing gratitude will serve them well not just through times of need but on a daily basis, live a happier life.

• Know that it ok for kids to have a roller coaster of emotions they just like us are trying to process everything as we are and its normal to have great days then a regression.

• Divorce is hard its hard on both parents and on the children, no one likes so much change at once, but with some practical positive actions, and helping your children realize change can be a good thing too, you all can thrive and live a happy life after divorce.

Tiffany Ann Beverlin
CEO Dreamsrecycled.com