Exactly How To Fix An Unhappy Marriage and Make It Better: Stuck In An Unhappy Marriage

If you're unhappy in your marriage but don't believe in divorce, lets do something about it! I can tell you what four steps that are needed to get you back on track for your marriage, but you have to put in the effort, sound fair enough?

Stop Wallowing In Your Misery

Stop wallowing in your misery about how unhappy you feel, instead do something about your circumstances that will still protect the sanctity of your marriage. If you sit around thinking about how bad your marriage is and how much better your next-door neighbors marriage is, you will unknowingly keep yourself from having the right attitude. What your think will be generated through your actions. Usually those people who believe the grass is greener across the fence end up testing out the turf for themselves. Let me tell you a big secret. It is not true. No grass is really greener, it is a total mirage! You're hungry for love and stopped eating at home, that's all.

Stop looking At Spouses Faults

Why do some of us do this - continually seek out the bad in our spouse rather than the good? I think we do it because we are so miserable that we remain in a negative frame of mind. The more we blame our spouse or the more we seek out wanting to fault them for the disarray of the marriage, the worse we will feel inside. This kind of attitude keeps us from seeing the positive aspects of our circumstances and we will not want to work on repairing the broken ends of the marriage. We do it to ourselves, folks. We talk ourselves out of staying married! Let's not let your marriage become another divorce statistic. Take your focus off your spouse and put the spotlight on yourself.

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Let Go For The Need To Control

Most people want to control their spouse or change them to meet certain standards so they can feel better about themselves. The truth is you cannot change your spouse to be that perfect person for you. Let go of trying to alter things that you are powerless to change. If you can truly release the burden of knowing you are powerless to change your spouse, a heavy burden will be instantly lifted from your shoulders. It really will! Try it! Let "it" go.

Here is a simple example of the kind of control you need to let go of. So your spouse is an alcoholic and you are trying to control him or her to stop drinking. How do you do that? How CAN you do that? Alcoholism is an addiction and cannot be controlled by anyone other than the alcoholic. You cannot make an alcoholic stop drinking by shouting, nagging, demanding, blaming, accusing, crying, controlling, or any other means. The alcoholic has to WANT to change himself, period. Why consume yourself into the addiction with the alcoholic. Let "it" go!

Think about this. Even if you could control your spouse and they change for you, they will undeniably be a very miserable person for not actually changing for themselves, won't they? Is that what you really want? To be married to an unhappy and bitter person?

Take Care Of You!

The next step after you let "it" go is to take care of you! What can you do to make yourself happy? Is there anything you can change about yourself to make you feel better about the person you are? Read any good inspirational and thought provoking books lately, or are you too busy focusing on your spouse and how terrible they are? Do you see where I'm going with this? Move out and away from what is making you feel discontented and do something about it.

You are only responsible for what you do in the marriage. Your spouse is not responsible for your actions in the marriage, just as you are not responsible for their actions. If you could learn to just take care of YOU and your part in the marriage, your spouse will finally get some needed space and breathing room to see that maybe they are erring and hopefully change for themselves.

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No, this is not all about unfaithfulness. It's about when there's not only you and your spouse in the relationship. The third party might be a parent-in-law, a good friend, a sibling-in-law, or any other people who are closer to you that might get involved in your married life. These are those people whose POVs seem to matter more than yours or your partner's. Although it's true that you can ask other people for some good advice, but the final decisions should ultimately fall between you and your spouse.

David Taylor married his best friend 6 years ago. He confesses how he thinks his wife is too reliant on her mother. "I cannot help sense that she depends on her mom too much. Everything depends on her mom's viewpoint. They'll be on the telephone maybe 4 or 6 times every day. Sometimes she would even call her to inquire about what she should be cooking for lunch. This occurs for every important couple's decision we have had to make. If my mother didn't turn it down, she would be living with us by now."

In a situation like this, there are a few questions you need to ask.

Whom is your partner most influenced by?

Does said habit affect the marriage in a negative way?

Does it extend outside your marriage?

Does it cause other problems like a no sex in marriage issues?

These issues can help you find out what's best for you and your partner.

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Talk to your partner about the difficulties and issues related to this. This is true regardless of whether your problem is something more serious like if you have a marriage problems. If you don't speak to your partner or if you don't voice out your concerns, chances are your spouse is just likely to assume everything's okay. Talk it over with your spouse. Talk to them and let them know that you are worried about the other person's involvement.

The next phase will be all about your decisions as a couple. The first thing you have to do is to determine what's really causing their dependence. Did he or she trust your own decisions and views with anything? Have you not shown them adequate motive that you could manage their problems? Do they have issues trusting themselves? Figure out what their reason is, even if it looks silly, Be careful because if you do not try to work out through your issues it can cause loads of trouble like sexless marriage or loveless marriage issues.

Together, you and your spouse can work out a plan to enable them to become more self-governing and to include you in their decision planning process. All choices that involve the marriage should be handled as a couple.

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Nobody wants to have relationship problems, but it happens. If the relationship is important to you, and you love them, you are going to want to take steps towards fixing a broken relationship. When it comes to mending a relationship that has gone sour, it is important to first look at yourself, and what you have done to aggravate the issues at hand, and then make an effort change your behavior. When your marriage or relationship is on the line, and you love the person you are involved with, it sometimes takes a sacrifice on your part to make it work.

Self examination is the first step to addressing the problems you experiencing in your relationship. Are you jealous? Needy? Clingy? Unpleasant? Argumentative? Cold? Have you broken promises or forgotten important events? In order to get to the root of the problem you are having with your significant other, you need to identify the traits in yourself that seems to cause conflict and strife. When you are able to admit that some of the problem is caused by your indifference or tendency to start an argument, you can then take steps towards changing that within yourself, but you have to want to do it.

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After you have figured out what it is about yourself that is causing your relationship to flounder, you can then admit this to your partner, and together you take steps towards trying to remedy the problem. If you are important to your spouse, they should be willing to help you through this, realizing that it will improve your relationship. You may also ask them to examine their behavior towards you, and work on doing the same thing with them. If you are both honest about what is going wrong with the relationship, you are more than halfway to fixing the problem.

Relationships take work, time and effort. There is no such thing as a one-sided relationship, unless you are a hermit and happy that way. When it comes to fixing a broken relationship, it is important to note that it will not happen over night, and that both of you will have to adjust and compromise to make it work. If you truly love your partner, and the idea of a separation or a divorce makes you infinitely sad, then you need to swallow your pride, admit your faults, and make an effort to correct them for the sake of your relationship.

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If you are in a new relationship, particularly one that you want to remain in, you are most likely to be flooded with advices and opinions from people around you. Bear in mind the following tips and you will be more comfortable in setting your own pace and will find the time to enjoy all that your relationship has to offer.

1) Do not oversell yourself. Tell your partner what you like and dislike as an individual without customizing your replies according to his reactions. Do not oversell yourself by his expectations because that will result in a lot of disappointment later, when you are more comfortable enough to refuse the activities you showed great enthusiasm for in your initial stages of being together. Similarly, encourage your partner to openly admit to what he likes by nodding and smiling when he is having obvious difficulty opening up to you. Starting with honesty from the first day will help keep things in a healthy perspective throughout your relationship.

2) Think positive. Whenever you start to think of what your partner does wrong, force yourself to think instead of all that he does right. Commit to focusing on the positive and it will affect your demeanor towards him, as you will be more relaxed and open to his sheer humanness and all the imperfections that come along with it.

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3) Be open to change. The first step to letting someone into your life is to open yourself to change as you are dealing with another human being who feels pain and happiness just like you do. You may even find yourself altering your daily routine or standard of living. If you keep in mind the ultimate purpose of remaining with your partner, these minor adjustments will not distort your bigger picture.

4) Follow your intuition, not others'. You will run into a fair share of advice and opinions from your loved ones, particularly in a case where you have experienced failed relationships in the past. Choose your company based on whether they are looking out for your best interest or not. At the end of the day you will be in the relationship on your own, and it will serve you best to follow your intuition and all that makes you happy and adheres to your ultimate purpose.

New relationships pose the beauty of a fresh start, and you can feel the same invigoration years into your relationship if you keep your foundation honest and crystal-clear from the first day.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Exactly How To Fix An Unhappy Marriage and Make It Better: Stuck In An Unhappy Marriage

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