It never ceases to amaze me what couples can accomplish and how they are able to turn their relationship around when they set their mind to it! I have literally seen miracles happen… I have seen couples come back from real horrible places. It is a formidable phenomenon to witness. I have, unfortunately, also seen partners give up on their relationship without fully investing in creating changes. They get too hang up on what their partner is doing or not doing and how they are being or not being. This is a train wreck in the making… Very unfortunate indeed
If you find that you are struggling in your relationship, a little or a lot, I beg you to stop looking at your partner for answers or changes. This is only ingraining and maintaining your status quo. You can’t do anything about what your partner is doing or how they are… You were actually attracted to how your partner is… Granted, how they show up nowadays might be different, but this is only a protection on their part… Their True Self, the person you fell in love with, is still there! I want you to remember this and engage your partner as if you can see their True Self… Ignore their nonsense and engage their True Self, Core Self, Authentic Self, Pure Self, Soul… When you engage Soul to Soul, miracles happen…
Your approach needs to be: to Be as you want to Be. Be the partner you want to be. Treat your Partner as if you are in love… Treat your Partner as if they are your dream come true… Treat your Partner as if they are the best thing in your life… Treat your Partner as if they deserve to be treated with the utmost love and care… Does this feel like too much? Exactly… Treat your Partner as an equal human being… (Ouch!) We don’t generally invest in having an Awesome Relationship… Isn’t this crazy? We invest with all our might in other things, but not in our relationship and then we wonder how come it suffers. Then we wonder how come we are not treated well. Then we wonder how come it fails. We get what we put in!
I’ve been pushing my clients in this regard with CRAZY AMAZING results! I know it can be done. I know you can do it too. The trick is to focus on ourselves, not on what we don’t get and how we are wronged, but on what WE put in and what WE contribute. When we focus on our stretches, how we communicate, on soothing ourselves when triggered, mindfully and respectfully going about getting our needs met, understanding our partner and having compassion for their experience, sprinkling our interactions with loving and caring gestures, setting things up for cooperation, etc. the tending pays off.
Sometimes this approach is challenging to embrace. I know this too… This is difficult because we are insecure, our Ego gets the best of us, we are holding on to resentments (the past), we might be projecting (putting things on our partner that’s not theirs…) or owning our partner (we know best how they should be and what they should do…), or we are not being accountable for our own Self – we are not being honorable and virtuous… These get in the way. This is sucky. We do not want to go through life and our relationship like this. This is a sure way to being unhappy…
Instead, we want to invest with all our might, to really go for it. Now, I’m not talking about smothering or stalking your partner, being disingenuous, etc. I’m talking about really contributing the way your partner and relationship call for… As I’ve written before, partners share that “they’ve tried it all” and that “they do everything for the relationship” – but is what they have tried what is needed the way it is needed? Usually it is not… Herein is the secret: tailored and targeted investing – not till you drop dead and at your expense investing, but just the right investment that meets both your needs… I’ve seen it done. I know you can do it as well!
So, figure out what is the right investment and go for it. It has to touch the right places, at the right times, in the right way while meeting both your needs. This might seem tricky but it is TOTALLY doable. Just put on your open minded lens and you’ll see… Invest the best, get the best…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Investing!
~Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Stop thinking about how your Partner stinks – stop thinking about how they could look better, do better, be better… Stop owning them! Start thinking about how You can invest better!! Focus on what You contribute and what You can do better… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. We help couples create a radiant and authentic relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™.