Intimacy: Can Someone Be Unaware Of Their Own Fear Of Intimacy?

If someone has the desire to be in an intimate relationship, they may find that it is only a matter of time before they meet the right person. Alternatively, they may find that they are only able to get so far.

The months will then pass and this area of their life won’t change, causing them to experience a lot of frustration. There is even the chance that a number of years will pass and this area of their life still won’t change.

Two Sides

One is then going to have the desire to be with someone but it won’t be possible for them to fulfil this desire. It can then be as if they are playing their part, yet the world is not meeting them half way.

This could show that one has been using different dating apps and going out on a regular basis. If, after experiencing life in this way for quite some time, they were to feel like a victim, it wouldn’t be a surprise.

Fully On Board

They will be clear about what they want to experience and they will have taken the steps to make this happen, only for this area of their life to have stayed the same. It will have been as though they picked a destination and followed the right directions to get there, however, they ended up somewhere else entirely.

Experiencing life in this way could cause them to believe that someone, or something, is holding them back. Seeing couples could be very hard for them, as it will remind them of exactly what they haven’t been able to experience.

A Slightly Different Experience

At the same time, one may have been in a number of relationships but each time they may have been with someone who was unavailable. So, even though they were with them, they wouldn’t have been able to emotionally connect to them.

They may find it hard to decide which of these two experiences is more frustrating, or they may find that being with someone who is unavailable is worse. The reason for this is that they would have got their hopes up, only to be brought right back down to earth again.

The Problem

If one has been with a number of people who were unable to commit, they may believe that other people are the ones who need to change, not them. Until they change and are ready to share their heart, their life won’t change.

At some point, one could put this area of their life to one side and focus on other areas of their life. This area of their life is then going to be out of their control, and they will just have to wait until it changes.

Two Levels

The thing is, though, just because one says that they want to have a relationship and they take certain actions to make this happen, it doesn’t mean that every part of them is on board with this desire. Nevertheless, if they are only aware of what is taking place in their head, what they do, and what they say to others, they are not going to realise this.

Deep down, in their unconscious mind, they may only feel comfortable with keeping people at a distance. Consciously, then, what is taking place is not going to make any sense but, unconsciously, everything will be going to plan.

Conflict

What this illustrates is that what is taking place in their unconscious mind has far more control over their life than what is taking place in their conscious mind. When these parts work together, magic can happen; when they don’t, it can lead to a lot of pain and suffering.

The trouble is that when one is not aware of the impact that this part of them is having on their life, it can be normal for them to feel powerless. In most cases, what is going on ‘out there’ will be seen as the problem.

The Main Need

This part of them will only allow them to experience what feels safe; therefore, if they are unable to experience intimacy, it is likely to show that this is perceived as something that is a threat to their very survival. Now, it might be hard for their conscious mind to understand how intimacy could put their life at risk.

The thing about this part of ones being is that it can forget that it has forgotten about certain things. So, even though this part of them might completely dismiss this as having no basis in reality, it doesn’t mean that this is the case.

Emotional Archaeology

If one was to put what is taking place in their conscious mind to one side and to reflect on what took place during their early years, they may gain a certain amount of insight into their current challenge. They may find that this was a time when their boundaries were not respected.

This could have been a time when they felt smothered and overwhelmed by the people around them, which would have caused them to lose themselves. At this age, this would have been a lot for them to handle, and getting close to others would then have been associated as something that wasn’t safe.

Awareness

As the years passed, ones conscious mind (head) would have gradually forget about what took place but their unconscious mind (body) would have remembered. This part of them has no sense of time, so it won’t be as though this is how their life was; it will be as though it is how their life is.
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If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.