Husband Puts Me Down All The Time: Why Does My Husband Put Me Down In Front Of Others

Husband Puts Me Down All The Time: Why Does My Husband Put Me Down In Front Of Others

In terms of your health, happiness, and deepest values, one of the worst things that can happen is to live with a resentful, angry, or emotionally abusive partner. The worst thing you can do, in terms of your health, happiness, and deepest values, is become a resentful, angry, or abusive partner. And the worst thing you can develop, in terms of your health, happiness, and deepest values, is an identity as a victim.

Victim identity destroys personal power and undermines the sense of self. It makes you falsely identify with "damage" done to you or with bad things that have happened to you. The cry I hear over and over again from those who live with resentful, angry, or emotionally abusive partners is, "I don't like the person I've become."

Once emotional abuse occurs in a relationship, it becomes necessary not only to stop the abuse but to overcome victim identity through a strong identification with your inherent strengths, talents, skills, power, and appreciation of the self as a unique, ever-growing, competent, and compassionate person. This is accomplished through an emphasis on healing, growth, and empowerment, not by reviewing checklists of behaviors that qualify you as a victim or by reading lengthy descriptions of the resentful, angry, or abusive behavior and attitudes of your partner.

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Detailed descriptions of your possible symptoms or your partner's angry, abusive behavior are not only unnecessary for your recovery, they can cause harm by encouraging victim identity. If you live with an abusive person, you know better than any self-help author or advocate that your relationship has put thorns in your heart. You don't need a description of the thorns to know how much they hurt. You need to learn how to take them out and heal the wounds in ways that prevent scarring.

Perhaps the most insidious thorn in the heart that comes from living with a resentful, angry, or emotionally abusive partner is the feeling that you cannot be well until your partner changes. This understandable but tragic assumption is the first thorn you must remove from your heart. You deserve to heal and grow, whether or not your partner does.

Although a sense of fairness and justice tells you that your abusive partner ought to be the one to make changes, your pain tells you that you need to become the fully alive person you are meant to be. (Pain is not a punishment; it motivates behavior that heals, improves, and protects.) This means that you have to remove the focus from your partner and put it squarely on you. Renewed compassion for yourself will lead directly to a deeper compassion for your resentful, angry, or abusive partner. With that compassion you will demand meaningful, lasting change, for you will appreciate the enormous harm he does to himself when he hurts you. One of two things is likely to result from your reclamation of self and your compassionate demands on your abusive partner. You may be able to stop walking on eggshells and step into a deeper relationship with a more compassionate, loving partner. But if he chooses not to do the hard work of breaking abusive habits, for his sake, for the sake of your children, and for your own sake, you will no longer tolerate his resentful, angry, or abusive behavior. From your core value, you will stop walking on eggshells, one way or the other.

As you experience the enormous depth of your core value, the last thing you will want to do is identify with being a victim, or a survivor, for that matter. You want to outgrow walking on eggshells, not simply survive it, and you do that only by realizing your fullest value as a person.

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"A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences."

~Dave Meurer

Our conflicts generally arise out of difference - we don't see the world the same as our spouse. We do too much around the house and get resentful, or we are accused of not doing enough. From both standpoints it's about difference; different expectations, standards and 'agreements' for living. And there are the things she does that he doesn't see and vice versa. It's pretty easy to see difference when it's pointed out in those terms.

We're blind somewhat as to the other's need - their deeper wishes for how things would emerge and develop and flow in relationship.

Because there is no such thing as the perfect couple - the marriage made in heaven - we have to settle for the fact that we're all wired differently.

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That accepted we move on, knowing we're bound to see and want things differently.

We begin to accept this by:

1. Seeing ourselves as capable of doing the very things that are important to us, so we relieve our partner from our burden on them for doing this. We do it. It's important to us; not so much is it important to them (which doesn't make them bad). And our hope is that this is reciprocal - but it's not our expectation. Then we're able to sit back and marvel at the contributions we're making to each other's life in partnership - as we each complement (add to) each other.

2. Acknowledging that God put us together, not because we were exactly the same; though we had so much in common initially. No, he put us in union for the very matter of adding to us as individuals - that both partners would grow to love the fact that they can help the other in ways we cannot really do for ourselves.

3. Wondering within the differences as to how many separate and distinct views of life can be had. We get past our own eyes, and our own ears no longer drown our concentration for the sounds going on in our heads; we hear other sounds more distinctly and they help us to appreciate the sheer enormity of life beyond the self - a freeing reality that takes us on into beautiful humility.

4. Immersing ourselves in the world of difference, to the point that we take risks by doing things differently, just for the raw experience of it. Being open enough to try things is being open enough to see God in the world.

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Is your husband treating you differently lately? Is he becoming distant? Do you fear that your husband doesn't love you any longer? You are not the only one. There are many women that feel this way too. What is the key to saving your relationship? How do you make your husband love you again?

Marriage brought the two of you together and love should ensure that you stay together forever, but the fact is that there are some husbands who fall out of love. Many men don't express to their wives how they are feeling. If your husband is bad at expressing his emotions, then you must look for clues that your husband doesn't love you any longer. You need to spot these signals before you find out he has another woman. If you work out that your husband doesn't love you anymore, then you need to follow some tips to win his love again. Here are some suggestions to make your husband fall in love with you again.

1. Transform your home.

You should alter your home environment, but don't spend too much money or make too radical changes. Try moving the furniture around the room, or buy some new colorful cushions. Try to make your home a warm and inviting place to be. Keep the house nice and clean, and spend time making meals that your husband will love to eat, and that smell great too. Transform your home into a place your husband wants to come home to. This will make your husband eager to get home to you after a long day at work.

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2. Make your man feel special.

You don't have to give him a huge hug and kiss every time you see him. You just need to be sure to demonstrate that you respect him and that you love him. Get him a little treat if he does something great at work -- make a nice dinner or get him a copy of his favorite magazine. Take a seat next to him, and ask him about his day. Give him a glass of wine or beer to enjoy. Little gestures like this will show your man how much you care for him, even after being married for a long time.

3. Present yourself well.

There can be many reasons why your husband doesn't love you anymore. Oftentimes, it can be because of your appearance. You may have let yourself go. You need to regain control of your appearance Do some regular exercise and get some new clothes. Take care with your make-up and hair. Wear a nice perfume.

You should follow all these tips if you fear that your husband doesn't love you. You need to get him to fall back in love with you before he finds a new woman to love.

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Marriages can be the source of great happiness, but also of great stress and worry. It is important for couples to realize that they need to stick through the back times in order to experience the good times.

Couples who are brave enough to work on their marriages and seek marriage counseling attest to the happiness that communication and an open mind can bring to a relationship. Marriage counselors are there to bring a constructive environment that many couples usually don't have. Figuring out what their issues and problems are is a key step for couples to development an understanding of the other perspective and bring compromise. The following are common questions that couples should ask during their times of stress and worry.

What is the problem?
Often times, it can be a small issues that has led to a major problem. Being able to identify the problem allows couples to backtrack and see what the underlying issues are. Labeling the problem and the causes is usually the hardest part for most marriages. Many married couples will realize their problems can be easily fixed with one or two changes on their part.

What issues have brought you to this point?
Different people have different views on issues, and being able to put all the issues on the table for both sides is also a key step. Couples need to realize what exactly is bothering each other, and how it contributes to the problems your marriage is facing. Seeing what issues have brought you to this point will allow spouses to see in each other's shoes and learn to understand each other's decisions.

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Which issues are most important?
Identifying the most important issues allows couples to see where their priorities lie and what needs to be worked on immediately. Seeing what each spouse values gives insight into the decisions they make, and can also give each other a better understanding the next time an argument arises.

How and what are you willing to change?
Change can be big or small, but change will be necessary for any marriage to be resolved. The attitude behind that change is more important than the action itself, and can make or break the relationship. Couples need to realize that change is not truly change without the proper attitude and action, and should remember this when they look to improve their relationship.

Marriage counseling can really help couples get back on track. Strengthening a marriage requires constant work, and seeing a counselor is no sign of defeat. Instead, many couples find counseling to be consoling and a further inspiration to resolve their issues for the sake of their marriage. Each spouse has to remember that counseling, as well as marriage in general, requires truth, and any distortion can lead to more problems and issues. Regardless of whether or not couples seek counselors, it is important for couples to ask some basic marriage counseling questions if they feel there are any unresolved issues in their marriage.

Relationships require two people to continuously work at it. Arguments, doubts, and fear are common in most relationships. Make sure you use those hardships to grow stronger together and not fall apart. Any relationship can be repaired.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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