My Husband and I Have Nothing To Talk About: Creative Ways To Communicate With Your Husband

My Husband and I Have Nothing To Talk About: Creative Ways To Communicate With Your Husband

Married women often become puzzled and anxious about their marriage relationship because they don't know how to properly communicate with their husbands. Instead of speaking loving and respectfully to their husbands, women often resort to complaining and nagging, which results in either half-hearted responses or no response at all from their husbands. This can result in frustration, resentment, and bitterness for both the wife and her husband.

After having been married for almost twelve years, I'm a firm believer that as women it's necessary for us to learn more creative and non-threatening ways to talk with our husbands, if we want meaningful communication.

Below you'll find over 10 ways to communicate effectively with your husband:

1. Get a Ph.D in knowing your husband. Although learning about your husband will require extra time, work, and humility on your part, it's absolutely free! Sometimes when we've been married for a certain period of time, it's easy to take our husbands for granted because we think we know them so well. Because of this, we often fail to notice the changes our husbands can go through as life progresses. Take time to re-educate yourself on your husband. Watch his mannerisms and/or any changes in his life. You could also take note of his interests as well as his dislikes.

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2. Listen to Your Husband with an Unbiased Attitude. If you, like myself, are the exact opposite of your husband, chances are you won't agree with every opinion he has or every decision he makes. Often this can cause us to respond harshly to their thoughts when they do actually try to express themselves. As a result your husband could shut down from the conversation and refuse to communicate with you at other times. In addition, we can become indifferent to their opinions by "tuning out" of the conversation or focusing on other things such as the TV, the computer, or the cell phone during your conversation. Being an active listener requires listening to your husband with an open mind and the proper attitude, whether you agree with him or not.

3. Bless your husband with an unexpected, inexpensive gift. If you know what your husband likes, this is probably an easy thing for you to do. For instance, if he enjoys sports, you could get him a Jersey or keychain with his favorite sports team or player name on it. If he's a music fan, you could get him a CD. If he likes a particular food, you could cook it for him, or purchase a gift card from his favorite restaurant.

4. Pray for your Husband. Sometimes when we talk to God, praying for our husbands can be difficult especially when we're angry with them. However, we can't let our emotions dictate whether or not we pray for them. Examples of some things you could pray for your husband include:

• Discernment
• Wisdom
• Grace
• An overflow of creative ideas for his job, ministry, family, and building the Kingdom of God
• Surround him with godly men who can encourage him to grow spiritually
• Favor in every area of his life
• The grace to overcome temptation

5. Identify and become fluent with your husband's love language. If you haven't read Dr. Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages" I suggest you do. A love language is the primary way a person expresses him/herself. It's a type of gesture or expression that makes a person feel loved and valued.

The Five Love Languages include:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service

6. Pray for Guidance. Ask God to help you say something to encourage your husband each morning. Ask Him to give you the grace to know when to remain quiet. Our words can either build up or tear down our husbands. This is why it's so important to be mindful of what we say, how we say it, and when we say it to them.

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7. Recognize Your Husband's Life Suckers. Consider what stresses your husband and drains him on a daily basis. What angers him? (Make sure it's not you!) It could be his job, a certain person (or group of people), money problems, or a particular situation. Try to do what you can to get rid of these things in his life or at least try to alleviate the stress.

8. If you have been arguing with your husband on a consistent basis, apologize to him for the things you know you did wrong. For example, if you've said something to hurt your husband's feelings, you could apologize to him. Or if you refused to do something you promised you would do, you could apologize. (Don't expect an apology from him even if he was wrong. You cannot control what he does to you. You can only control your actions. In fact, your willingness to apologize could in turn encourage him to do the same.) You may need to take some quiet time to consider where you were wrong, but it can be done. Then let your husband know that you sincerely want to work with him to rebuild the love and respect in your marriage relationship. Then do it!

9. Do your best to look good for your husband. Men are visual, so if you look your best for your husband, you're communicating that you respect his desire for you to look attractive; and it also makes you feel better. Sometimes, we can allow children, work, ministry, and many other factors to hinder us from taking time to look good, but we must learn to invest in ourselves.

10. Make passionate love to your husband. It's one thing to have sex with your husband, but it's another thing to give him your all! My husband can tell when I'm really passionate about making love to him, and when I'm not. When I don't put for the effort to have passionate sex, he calls it "Pity sex", meaning I'm only doing it to fulfill my "wifely" obligations. This type of "Pity sex" involves no passion, no desire, but just duty. How pleasing is that to your husband? But when I give it my all, he says nothing but "Thank you..." and this effort on my part strengthens our relationship, and ultimately opens up the doors for intimate, effective communication.

11. Pray with Your Husband. This is a very powerful tactic. Ask, but don't nag, and if he doesn't feel fully comfortable with praying aloud with you, suggest the two of you hold hands and do a silent prayer for one another and once each person is finished you can say, "Amen.

Although your marriage may be void of healthy and meaningful communication right now, you can do your part to help encourage communication. It will take time, effort, and creativity; but if you work at it on a consistent basis, you should see a breakthrough that can help to benefit your marriage.

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Americans are renowned for being on the "road" and "traveling" to places. To travel successfully on the roads, there are many things that people have to consider to make the journey successful. We need to obtain advice or knowledge about the proposed destination. We need to discuss the plans with the people with whom we are traveling and make adjustments when needed. We have to determine how to meet the expenses of the trip. We make records of our trip so that we can recall the memories later. Marriage is also a journey. The marriage trip is designed to last longer than a vacation or a trek to Grandmother's house. To make marriage a successful experience, couples must consider things that are similar to a car trip.

The first way to assure a successful road trip is to prepare. If it is your first trip, you talk to people who have been to your destination. You look at photos and check on-line for the accommodations and amenities. You find out how long the trip will take. You check map quest or AAA to discover what is the best possible route. You consider what you need to take with you and what to leave behind. You consider how long will you remain at the destination. Many of the same things are true in marriage. Engaged couples should talk with a pastor and those who have been successfully married. They should determine where to reside as a couple. Couples should consider the characteristics of a successful marriage. A marriage of success takes a lifetime to achieve. Careful preparation is one key to successful traveling and marriage.

Before you take a road trip, you and your travel partner need to talk about where you are going, how long it will take and what you will be doing. You need to discuss what to take and the things that you will do to make the trip memorable and enjoyable. In marriage, you must sit with you marriage partner and discuss the permanence of commitment. The marriage journey lasts a lifetime. There is some baggage that you need to throw away, like past romances. You need to discuss the excess baggage of existing debts or payments. Don't let in-laws or children become weighty issues that will affect your trip. Just as on a road trip, every once in a while you have to stop and rest or smell the roses. In marriage, provide some time for just the two of you to be together so that the pleasure of marriage will supersede everything else. Remember that communication is one of the best ways to have a successful trip whether on the road or in marriage.

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Estimate how much money to take on the road excursion. Make a budget for expected expenses to finance a pleasant trip. You must determine how you will obtain the money- either from savings, a loan or credit cards. In like manner, couples should "count the cost" of sacrifice that a journey through marriage requires. Couples usually share the responsibilities and tasks of family life. However, because of health reasons or separation perhaps through the military, one spouse must take 90% of the responsibility of managing a household. Just as you plan a trip budget, a family income budget should be maintained. Discuss how the money will be used. If both are bringing incomes to the family unit, establish "our" bank account, not "mine" and "yours". Marriages go down hill fast when there is no sharing of time, money or energy. When credit card expenditures are made, record the expense like money taken from the bank account. This will assure you of enough money for the debt when the statement arrives. Although either the husband or wife may be the financial bookkeeper, both should review the records periodically. Poor money management is one of the quickest ways to end a trip. In marriage, the end may come with a divorce.

On a road trip, making memories adds to the sense of fulfillment that you receive. You will want to record your journey with photos and souvenirs. You want to show them to your family and friends. In marriage, memories remind a couple of their first meetings and the love they shared. Looking at wedding photos or read your ceremony vows on an anniversary. This can spark romance like those early days. The recalling of the physical embraces and kisses rekindle old flames. A successful marriage is one that is the envy of people who see you. When you demonstrate love, empathy and forgiveness for one another, the sense of marital fulfillment will be evident. A picture of completion and success will be displayed to those who observe you. You will be on the road to a successful marriage.

When people take a road trip, they prepare, consider the destination, estimate the costs, and make memories. In marriage, couples should make a commitment to stay the course until the journey ends. Successful couples consider their marriage destination as a permanent journey. To achieve success they realize they have to travel together until the death of one spouse. A successful marriage takes a lifetime, while a road trip may last only a few days or weeks. Couples who have a sense of marital fulfillment find many "happy trails" along the way.

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No one wants to face serious problems in their marriage, but unfortunately many couples will have to resolve some tough issues at some point in their relationship. Though every couple and every marriage is different, there are some common obstacles to a happy marriage that arise more frequently than do others. Knowing a little bit about these repeat offenders can enable you and your spouse to safeguard your marriage against them--or to tackle them now, if you suspect they are already doing damage to your relationship.

Communications Breakdown

Open, honest communication is integral to the health of any marriage. This doesn't mean you have sit down and have intense heart-to-heart chats for hours each day. It does mean that you and your spouse need keep each other up-to-date on what's going on in each of your heads and what you both want from one another. Lack of communication slowly eats away at the bonds of marriage and weakens the trust and affection you have for one another.

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Infidelity

Sadly this is a much more common problem in marriages than you might think. In some cases, infidelity arises out of another underlying problem that was not addressed or communicated. The unfaithfulness of a spouse is heartbreaking and hard to deal with and spell be end for the marriage. However, some couples are able to reconcile and repair their marriages afterwards.

The Importance of Trust

No marriage can survive long if it isn't built on mutual trust. Often when there are trust issues in a marriage it is due to the personal and unfounded insecurities of one spouse. Or it may be that one or both of the partners has earned a reputation for untrustworthiness through past behavior. Whatever the reason, if you're having trust issues with your spouse, counseling or therapy can be extremely beneficial in rebuilding a sense of dependability and loyalty.

If you're committed to a healthy, happy marriage, keep an eye out for problems like these, and deal with any issues that do pop up in a positive and honest manner. It'll do a world of good for the both of you.

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Who Do You Socialize With. Can the people you surround yourself with affect the longevity of your marriage? There are many self made guru's that proclaim if you hang out with successful people, then some of their success is bound to rub off on you.

I, not being a self proclaimed guru, believe there is more than a little truth in that, when it comes to marriages or relationships. If you are in an environment where the marriages are successful, your marriage has a better chance of being successful. As well, if your social group is filled with those in unsuccessful marriages, there is a greater chance of your marriage being unsuccessful.

Take for instance you hang around a lot of bar hopping alcoholics. Or you look for serious relationships in bars and night clubs, your friends that also visit these places are more likely to had had one or more failed relationships. Why, because these places are not full of stable people.

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People there are looking for a good time. Many of these people may also be involved with drugs, crime, or infidelity. Marriage is one of the most difficult and perplexing events a Human being can enter into, next to child rearing. Does it make sense to socialize with people that are not successful in these areas of their life? I have often wondered about counselors and coaches that specialize in relationship counseling and are divorced. Does anyone ever wonder why they are divorced, or why they made a choice to marry someone they cannot work things out with?

We now live in a society where it is easier to walk out of a relationship than to stay in it and make it work. When marriages run into difficulties in this these unstable environments, it is often seen as easier to end the relationship and to start afresh with someone else. Unfortunately what is not seen is, the grass is usually not greener on the other side.

In social groups where the marriages are stable and long lasting, couples tend to learn from each other and model positive behavior, even if it's done subconsciously. Couples in these social groups tend to discuss issues within their marriage more openly as well, seeking advice from their friends, or sharing their experiences with their friends.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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