How To Fight Fair In Love And Marriage: How To Fight Better With Your Spouse - When Your Partner Doesn't Fight Fair
Everybody has disagreements. Wedding and marriage planning are huge opportunities for couples to stumble over themselves and each other. Let's see, Money, Families, Childhood Dreams, and Different Personalities. Yep, prime fighting conditions.
Fighting is not a horrible thing. We need to air our differences and express our hurt feelings. This is why the notion of becoming one in marriage is so dangerous. People who live together are different and have differences. Good marriages are built by people who can fight things out effectively. So what makes a good fight and contributes to the health of your relationship? What might actually move you forward?
1. Fight over things that matter. If you're just getting on one another's last nerves because you're over extended, then give it up, and take some time away. We are who we are.
2. Bring it up early. When something is bothering you, bring it up. Do not stew over the unfairness of something. Nothing can be resolved until you speak up.
3. Stay on Topic. When you're fighting about something fight about that thing. Don't fight about everything else. You actually have a chance to resolve an issue if there's only one issue on the table.
4. Don't Escalate. Keep your voices down. When you feel yourself start to shout, stop, take a deep breath, consider what you want to say, and try again. And actually, you're responsible for your own feelings. If a partner yells, step back, point it out, bring it down. My guess is that whatever your fighting about isn't worth this.
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5. Admit Shortcomings. If you're not dealing well with a certain situation, or aren't able to hear, admit it. This is your beloved, not a torture squad. Beloved, remember, you're not a torture squad.
6. Stay in Your Feelings. Don't shut down. Don't blow up. Stay attuned to what's happening in the midst of this. If you can't get to your feelings, get to a counselor.
7. Apologize When You're Wrong. If you're off base, apologize. And mean it. Be sincere. "I'm sorry," isn't an exit strategy it's an actual feeling.
8. Accept the Apology. If your beloved has made a sincere apology, and you're finished, accept it. If you need some time to cool down before you do that, ask for it and then take it.
9. Be Willing to Let Go. If you actually managed to resolve some things, let it go. If it comes up again, point it out, and then let it go.
10. Reinforce the Lessons. If you do something right, do it again. Quickly. Celebrate that you fixed a problem.
11. Make Up Like Crazy. This is the part no one needs help with, except to be reminded that it's important. Do it. Make up. Create a make-up ritual. Take the time to celebrate the things that make you great as individuals and great as a couple.
12. Call in Reinforcements. If you can't fix something, get help. When your car breaks, you fix it. You've got a heckuva lot more invested in your marriage. Find a counselor. Get good at this. Your relationship deserves it!
Here's the drill: Fight fair and apologize easily. No low blows. This is important enough you might want to talk about it in your wedding ceremony and promise about it in your wedding vows. Your bonus? You not only get to kiss and make up, you're going to grow a marriage that can weather obstacles and differences. How great is that?
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An affair is one of the quickest ways to destroy a marriage relationship. In our wedding vows, we promise to "Forsake all others until death do us part." Most people cannot imagine that they would ever break that promise, but a surprising number of people do. According to author Peggy Vaughn, 40% women and 60% of men will have an affair.
How do so many end up being unfaithful to their spouses when they start out with good intentions? Usually they get caught in one of the common affair traps. They don't even realize the mistake they made until they are involved with someone else.
Under the right circumstances, anyone can be susceptible to having either an emotional or a physical affair. It is easier to prevent an affair than it is for a marriage to recover from one. Therefore, we all need to know how to avoid these five common affair traps.
Five Common Affair Traps
1. Spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex.
If you spend a lot of time carpooling or having lunches with someone else, then you may form an emotional bond with that person. That emotional bond may eventually lead to an affair. Avoid situations where you are frequently alone with someone else.
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2. Not keeping the home fires burning.
It is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life and ignore your marriage. Over time, you realize that your needs are not being met and you become vulnerable to letting another person meet those needs.
3. Crying on someone's shoulder about your marriage problems.
Talking to someone of the opposite sex about the issues you are having in your marriage is another way that you create a bond with someone else. If you need to talk to someone about your relationship, then seek professional help.
4 Thinking that the "grass is greener on the other side".
Don't spend time fantasizing about someone else. The grass is not greener on the other side. The more time you spend fantasizing about someone else, the more discontent you will become with your spouse.
5. Staying angry and bitter toward your spouse.
Over time, hurt feelings can build up into a wall resentment and bitterness. It can be a difficult wall to tear down and can lead to discontentment with your relationship. Discontentment can leave you open to seeking affection outside your marriage.
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The pressures of day to day living are making you wonder how to keep your marriage going. Seems like you argue more nowadays with your husband or wife, thanks to money being so short, plus your jobs are so on thin ice. Well, here are two great tips to keep your marriage more than alive, thriving even, that the relationship experts always recommend --
1. Leave it all behind if only for a few hours
Once a week, plan to get away somewhere together, even if it's for a few hours. Take the first bus that comes along and get down at a part of town you don't normally frequent. Go for a walk along that wilderness trail that you've always wanted to. Just get away and spend some alone time together away from all the everyday nonsense.
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2. Plan ahead, anticipate problems
Instead of letting things overwhelm you, think and plan ahead. If you know money is going to be a problem, sit down together and figure out how to cut costs as well as how you both could earn some extra money. If one of you is having trouble at work, spend a few hours figuring out solutions and actions. The more you can anticipate stress situations, you more you'll be able to handle them. The beauty of doing this together is it will also draw you closer to each other.
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So the handwriting is on the wall. Neither of you is happy. Maybe your spouse has moved out or is asking for a divorce. Maybe it's not that far along just yet but you can see it heading there. If you are seeing all the signs that your marriage is over can you still save it? Absolutely!
Forget for the moment how the two of you have arrived at this point. Stop playing the blame game. It doesn't really matter whose fault it is. At this point, you want a solution. You want to save the marriage while there is still time. The good news is that very few marriages actually have to end in divorce. Most of them could have been saved if the proper action had been taken.
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!
So how does one save a failing marriage? Obviously, that subject encompasses much more than could be covered in a short article and every marriage is different, but I speak from experience when I tell you that the key is to approach your marriage from a completely different point of view. Traditionally we are taught that the marriage is the union of a man and a woman. While this is certainly true, it has to go beyond that model. A marriage has to be viewed as a third entity, completely separate from you and your spouse as individuals.
Another universal truth to saving a failing marriage is the necessity for an action plan that will be different than the traditional approach. It involves doing and saying very specific things and acting toward your partner in a very specific way. In time, you will notice changes beginning to take place in them, in you and in the marriage.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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