Dr. Romance has heard a lot of whining and complaining lately, so I thought I'd give you some tips on dealing with disappointment:
OK, so you're disappointed. Your dream has ended in the trashbin. So, after you get finished with laying on the floor, kicking your heels, and screaming; or going on a drunken binge, or beating someone up, you find you're still disappointed, and all that acting out hasn't fixed anything Now what do you do?
Disappointment is a dead-end in your road. Now you need to figure out a new direction. Here are some Do's and Don'ts to help you:
DO put it in perspective: If you're disappointed, it hurts, but your life is not over. Look to your future, and see what you can do to make it better.
DO understand that you had some control, but not total control over this: Look at what happened. What caused your loss? You can improve your team effort, your skills, your spirit and look forward to the next event. On the other hand, don't blame yourself for the things you couldn't control. Take a balanced view.
DON'T give up: No one is a failure until they quit. Don't quit when you're behind. Instead, get determined to do better.
DO try to learn from the experience: Every disappointment is a teaching moment. You can learn from whatever went wrong. Re-play your tapes (mental or actual) of the event, and figure out how you can do better. For help in learning what the lessons are, read It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction
DON'T expect anyone to sympathize beyond the first few moments: Sympathy is OK for a short while, but it debilitates you in the long run. You'll feel better if you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game.
If you want to get motivated again, and figure out what to do to succeed,
"Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude" will help you move out of the disappointment mode; "Four Steps to Success" will help you figure out how to get what you want; "Motivation And How to Create It (Good Boss/Bad Boss)" will help you understand that how you are treating yourself determines how well you deal with disappointment and how easy it is for you to turn it into success.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.