Dear Dr. Romance:
I just read your post to the 'nice guy' who asked for advice why he keeps getting passed over for the 'bad boy' types, and he was 100% right in saying women consistently say they're looking for a 'nice guy'.
I'm in the same position. I'm 35 years old and I've had this happen to me my entire dating life. You and everyone else claims 'that as soon as you're clear about the kind of woman and relationship you want, she will appear, like magic' but I'm no closer to meeting the one for me than I was 15 years ago. I'm really starting to lose hope I'm ever going to meet anyone.
Dear Reader:
I'm curious as to where you're looking. Online only? Then, maybe your profile needs some changes. I'm a big advocate of the "get a life" method of meeting people: meeting them doing things that are important and valuable to you; not just going on a blind search. When join shared activities with people you enjoy and respect the odds improve that your connections will introduce you to like-minded people, with whom you're likely to have something in common. This person will probably have already been 'vetted' (checked out for character flaws) by your friend or family member. Even if you don't fall in love, you may make a great new friend.
If you meet people through a group activity that you value or enjoy, you'll automatically have things in common, and you get the added bonus of seeing the person interact with the other people in the group. You don't have to declare your interest until you have evidence of the personality characteristics of your target -- and you will probably have a chance to sense mutual interest before you declare, which reduces the likelihood of being rejected. Meeting people through group activities is especially good for nice guys like you -- women get to see what a good guy you are. And your personality gets a chance to shine through. for more on the "Get a Life" method of dating, see the articles "Dating: The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting" and "Where is Love?" which will help you find the most effective way to meet someone you can love. Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences will help you figure out how to understand what the women you meet want.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.