Divorce is an experience that many couples have, but that doesn't mean children know how to handle it. For even the most resilient children, divorce can prove a confusing and even frightening time, which is why it is imperative for parents to employ strategies to help them adjust.
During the divorce process, you will likely find yourself consumed with paperwork, meetings and details to arrange. While mustering up the energy to do much else may seem impossible, keep in mind that your kids need time with you. Even if you can set aside 30 minutes per day to work on a project or pursue a hobby together, it helps kids not to feel rejected. When they feel rejected, they may begin to think that they caused the divorce.
Some people work out well as friends but not so much as romantic partners. Even if you and your ex-spouse cannot achieve that level of companionship, work to be civil for your children. It is not advisable, for example, to talk about your spouse negatively in front of your children. Also, arranging a custody agreement that allows your kids to spend time with both of you is smart. Working with an attorney like Madison Law Firm PLLC or someone similar who specializes in family law can be really helpful in working out this type of agreement. Remember, however, that in some cases, such as in the instance of abuse, this technique may not be able to work.
Your kids may have emotions that they are uncomfortable sharing with you. Sometimes, it takes an outside party for them to open up and to help identify what specific issues they are having with the divorce. Enrolling your kids in counseling sessions can give them a space where they are free to share their exact feelings about the divorce. In doing so, you may realize how valuable obtaining counseling for yourself is too.
As much as your life is changing, so are the lives of your children. Pushing too many changes into the situation at once can make kids feel as though they have entirely lost control. While you may need to rearrange some elements to work with a new living situation, do your best to keep up the morning routine, allow them to stay in their extracurricular activities and so forth.
While many children do feel negative emotions during and after a divorce, that doesn't mean all kids too. Maybe your kids are old enough to feel that the two of you being apart is for the best, or perhaps all of the fighting has had them hoping for a divorce. While you do not want to mislead them about what a divorce is, you also do not need to force them to feel negatively.
Helping your children to cope with the divorce is important. Ignoring the situation could lead to more trouble for them in both the short and long term.
Kara Masterson is a freelance writer from West Jordan, Utah. She graduated from the University of Utah and enjoys writing and spending time with her dog, Max. Kara is the youngest of four. She has two hilarious brothers and one beautiful sister. She also is the aunt of 5 crazy little girls that she loves more than anything!! Kara is not yet able to be a mom, but she loves being around kids and being like a second mom to her nieces. She dreams of the day that she can start her own little family.