From narcissism to a mature sense of self

Did you know that narcissism involves an inordinate fascination with self-love, vanity, self-absorption, self-centredness, smugness and ego centrism? Did you know that it is considered to be a ‘normal’ condition of the infantile level of personality development?

Did you know it means that although some individuals who exhibit this type of characteristic may appear emotionally independent, self-confident, self-assured and self-sufficient, they are actually “stuck” in a childlike state? Finally, did you know that years of psychotherapy will never effectively help such a person achieve a mature sense of self? So what is to be done to overcome this and help one to become a mature, emotionally-secure and independent adult?

Having worked with many individuals who have previously sought treatment, I have had the opportunity to meet several people who were trapped in this ineffective and paralysed state. I say ineffective, because this “personality state” literally makes it impossible for someone to function as a mature adult.

If you are not sure why this happens, simply think of a five year old child attempting to take hold of adult responsibilities and relationships. Now do you see what I mean? It turns out that narcissistic individuals reside in what I refer to as a “childlike trance” i.e. they literally believe and feel themselves to be emotionally like a young child. To make this more easily digestible, imagine that you attend a stage hypnotist show and there you get the courage to go up on stage and be hypnotised. Whilst on stage you are given the hypnotic suggestion that when you get off the stage you will feel and behave like a 5 year old child. Now imagine that this suggestion never actually wears off and that you remain in that trance like state from then on.

Can you see how this might create some significant difficulties in your life? Well, it turns out that individuals who are described as having narcissistic personalities or traits are living in exactly such a trance. The implications of this, when you reflect on it, are actually extraordinary. In other words the only thing that is required to help them recover their adult self is by assisting them to “wake up” from the trance. It also implies that the experience of their adult authentic self already exists fully formed but divorced from their conscious experience.

Another way of saying that is that the adult self is “outside” of their mind/body while the latter has been literally “hijacked” by some foreign intruder (energy/entity) that fools them and makes them feel and experience themselves as a child.

For example, a child who is constantly criticised is essentially given messages such as: you’re inadequate, you’re ineffective, you lack self-confidence, you’re unable to function in the world etc. This leads them to feel powerless, alone without hope, inadequate, worthless, empty, lacking self-confidence.

The narcissistic childlike trance is essentially a compensatory strategy that is used to try and manage the painful feelings arising from these negative self-beliefs. The problem is that they render the person ineffective and stuck.

This trance can be systematically dissolved and the person will be helped to awaken, simply by assisting them in erasing the negative memories, thoughts and feelings associated with the criticism. As this happens, the individuals will begin to wake up to who they really are (and have always been).

This leaves them feeling adult like, self-confident, self-assured, whole, peaceful, intact, emotionally secure, mature, capable, loving towards self and others, compassionate, strong, resilient, and truly attractive to others and their own self.

For more information, contact me via the link below to request a complimentary 1 hour introductory coaching session.