Sense Of Self: Can Toxic Shame Destroy Someone's Sense Of Self?

When it comes to how someone experiences life, it is often said that their self-image has a big effect. Therefore, if one wants to feel good and to have experiences that are fulfilling, it will be vital for them to see themselves in the right way.
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Another way of looking at this would be to say that it will be important for them to feel comfortable with who they are. This is not to say that they will see themselves as being perfect.

Acceptance

What it comes down to is that they will see that there are things they can do and things they can’t, and this will be something they are able to accept. Or, if they can’t do something and this relates to something they can change, they might end up doing what they can to change this.

One way of looking at this would be to say that it is incredibly important for one to be able to accept themselves as they are. As this will lay the foundations for everything else they experience.

A Mirror

If one is unable to accept themselves, it is going to be a challenge for them to meet people who value them. Instead, they can end up coming into contact with people who don’t respect them.

Based on how they behave, other people will realise that this is someone who doesn’t value themselves. At times, they might realise this consciously, and at other times, they will pick up on it without needing to think about it.

By Design

What this shows is that people don’t randomly end up with people who treat them badly; just as they don’t randomly end up with people who treat them well. There is no luck or chance involved.

So, through valuing themselves, it is likely to be normal for them to come into contact with people who will appreciate them. The support that they receive from the people in their life is going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing.

True-Self

And as this is what is taking place within them, there is going to be no reason for them to hide themselves from others. In general, how they behave around others is going to be a reflection of who they are.

In addition to how they behave, there will be what they give to the world, and this will be in alignment with who they are. They might work for someone else or they could be self-employed, but it won’t matter.

The Right Fit

Whether one works for someone else or themselves, this could be what works for them. There is also the chance that one will still be studying, or they might have gone back to college/university.

Ultimately, it is not going to matter what they are doing as long as it is what is right for them. This is going to show that one believes that they deserve to experience life in this way, as opposed to having to settle for anything they can get.

On Track

Through living their life in this way, they can feel as though they are on the right path in life. Even so, this is not to say that one has always experienced life in this way; there may have been a time when their life was radically different.

Therefore, if they were to talk to someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with who they are, it won’t be hard for them to empathise with their experience. During this time, they may have been used to playing a role.

Another Experience

When one doesn’t feel comfortable with who they are, their whole life can end up being an act. The real part of them will be in hiding and the only thing other people will see is their false-self.

This could mean that one won’t be connected to who they are, or they could simply cover it up. At a deeper level, they can feel flawed and as though they are worthless, and this is going to keep their true-self hidden.

Two Options

Based on how they experience life, there are only going to be two choices. The first will be to put on an act to and to be accepted, and the second will be to reveal themselves and to be rejected and abandoned.

Having to put on an act will create pain, but it won’t be as bad as what they believe would happen if they were to reveal themselves. This doesn’t mean that everyone they meet will realise what is taking place.

A Human Doing

While one may have simply accepted what is taking place within them and carried on with their life as best as they can; they might also have done everything they can to fight it. This probably will have taken place through working hard and achieving things.

But there is a strong chance that they will have found that regardless of what they achieve, it doesn’t have a lasting effect on how they feel about themselves. One will then be on a treadmill that never stops.

A Closer Look

When one feels as though there is something inherently wrong with who they are, it can show that they are carry toxic shame. One way of looking at toxic shame would be to say that it is like acid.

As in the same way that acid destroys things; toxic shame will have destroyed their sense of self. The difference here is that their self of self will return once the toxic shame is no longer within them.

Awareness

When one is carrying toxic shame, can be due to what took place when they were younger, and this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. If one can relate to this, and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.